A New Devious Chapter

A while ago, I noticed a small dry spot on my eyelid.  It was weird, but stayed pretty small, and was barely noticeable.  I used moisturizer, and it seemed to keep it from getting worse.  Well, weeks later, another spot appeared, which was a bit more visible.  I kept going with forms of moisturizer, in hopes it would take care of it. Fast forward to about two weeks ago, my eyelid is red and patchy.  It's very obviously eczema.  On my eyelid.  Luckily, it's easily covered by makeup if I need to go out.   I wake up last weekend, and my right eye is swollen half closed.  The eczema is bright red, and has covered my entire eyelid.   Well, as if I needed something else to kick my dysmorphia up some more. I found out coconut oil is amazing for eczema, and safe on my eyes, and it's been helping, but still. I'm barely able to work out right now due to Oliver being here, and I have a cold.  Now, my eye is exploded. I spent the weekend wanting to curl up i

One more post on consent, because it has been an explosive topic here right now. With Lux and I being so close to a lot of the issues right now, we've been discussing a lot of the things going on.  A few days ago, we were discussing how many of these people aren't malicious in their abuse.  They aren't purposeful predators, and that while they need to acknowledge the things they do, leaving them completely abandoned doesn't do anything to help that.  We also discussed how every circle, and at any time in my life has been full of abusers, and rapists, and complete assholes. It made me bring up how often people would excuse away abusive behaviors years ago.  Sweep them under the rug in order to not make it a big deal.  Doing this was so normal, that we allowed minor toxic behaviors, and made everyone think these were perfectly ok.  And then those behaviors became acceptable, only to slowly roll along, with more and more of these things occuring, in different forms f

With Valentine's coming up soon, I'm finding collections of fancy lingerie all over the internet.  While I think it's silly, I do sometimes check them just out of curiosity for society is pushing as necessary and attractive. And, I don't like any of them. Once in a while I see a cute bra, but all in all, I don't really like any of them.  It's all very feminine and shaped for super thin people with giant tits and little natural curves.  It also all looks like it's uncomfortable, and would feel awkward. So, I looked up men's lingerie. In the beginning of course I saw silly elephant thongs, and weird suspender undies.  After just a little scrolling though, I found some really fantastic stuff.  Pieces that were cotton, but with cute cut-outs, or big supportive garters.  Mostly short cuts, which seemed less confusing to put on, and more comfortable to wear, without the risk of them all being devoured by my butt. If it weren't for the pouch on th

With everything going on, Lux and I have been talking about safety at events.  How we both agree that we don't feel safe at any kink event right now. Even he, as a very large top isn't safe.  And not only could he be targeted to have his consent violated, but have someone spread lies for whatever reason, and attack him in that way. And he is in a situation where because he is a big tall menfolk, and being kinda black, he can't do much to fight back. I mentioned that usually at events we tend to keep an eye on each other, and that's probably our safest option.  Because if someone tries something with me, and I can't get myself out of it, I know he'll be able to help. And if he's in a situation where he needs help, I have no problem stepping in and raising hell to whatever level he needs.  Where they can try to claim something about his size or being domly or whatever, they can't use that on me. Luckily, he appreciates the fact that I will pull

Welp, the east coast is exploding.  We have tons of people coming out of the woodwork, talking about tons of consent violations, and abusive behaviors, and how horrible every top ever is. But not about anyone fighting back. Just that some person was being bad, and without correction, they continued to be bad, and they're bad, and I don't want to talk to them. The problem with this, is that if you point it out, you get viewed many times as the villain.  You're victim blaming, and encouraging the abuser. Except, here's the thing.  This is everyone's responsibility. I've dealt with abuse for as long as I can remember.  I have memories of emotional abuse as far back as my daughter's age.  And I've been fighting to be treated as a person for that long. While I was with the gnome, having had no example of a healthy relationship, I took a lot more than I should have without speaking up.  I will fully admit that I encouraged those behaviors at that t

Last year my social life took a hard dive.  It absolutely caused part of crash in my mental state, and why I felt like I haven't even had fumes to run on for almost a year now for the most part. Such is the downside of being an extrovert. This year, I want to spend more time with lots of people.  I want to get them together for movies.  I want to bring people around and do lots of cooking, and gaming and casual things. I want to help create a space, no matter where we all are, where people can decompress and enjoy what's going on. I need to find opportunities for this more often. Sometimes, my being service oriented can't be denied in the slightest.

This week is made of a ton of birthdays, and marks the end of the holidays for us.  My brother, father, and Squishy all have birthdays this week, which makes for quite a busy week between dinners and celebrating. And from here, we actually slow things down for quite a while.  Most people finished their holidays weeks ago.  Not for us. However, this means I have more time and chances to spend time with friends, and make fun social plans, which is good to help my still horrible mental place.  This is how we get better.  Find the good in the now, and work toward things improving even more.