After talking about the idea of sitting down for a refresh of negotiations, Lux and I had a long talk about power exchange lately. It started with him asking about how power exchange affects me when it is more active (more on that another day, because there is enough of it) and how it translates well beyond a scene or a moment.
We talked for a while about my affirming him that I wasn't after it for toxic reasons, and bringing up some of his brainbugs with why power exchange doesn't appear often in our casual day to day.
He voiced his discomfort, and issues with certain things, and I started reassuring him. The particular things that creep along in his mind, aren't really things that I need, or even really want. I encouraged him to do things outside of those issues that I do want, so we can both be comfortable and happy.
I gave a couple of examples of the past, when he's done such things, and he made a joke about my preference. As a response, I told him that this is where we can have fun fitting things to what works for us. That I'm not afraid to try things, and the worst case is that it doesn't wind up being something we enjoy, and either modify it, or know not to do it at all in the future.
This dynamic is ours, and that's the most important thing. We have no hard and fast rules, unless we make them. Power exchange when you're just going off of a book or expectation, isn't really all that much of an exchange. The most important thing is building and cultivating a dynamic that feels fulfilling to us both. The point is for this to be something we both enjoy, rather than a source of stress or discomfort in expectation.
Sometimes, being submissive is following orders, and sometimes, it's just communication and reassurance.
We talked for a while about my affirming him that I wasn't after it for toxic reasons, and bringing up some of his brainbugs with why power exchange doesn't appear often in our casual day to day.
He voiced his discomfort, and issues with certain things, and I started reassuring him. The particular things that creep along in his mind, aren't really things that I need, or even really want. I encouraged him to do things outside of those issues that I do want, so we can both be comfortable and happy.
I gave a couple of examples of the past, when he's done such things, and he made a joke about my preference. As a response, I told him that this is where we can have fun fitting things to what works for us. That I'm not afraid to try things, and the worst case is that it doesn't wind up being something we enjoy, and either modify it, or know not to do it at all in the future.
This dynamic is ours, and that's the most important thing. We have no hard and fast rules, unless we make them. Power exchange when you're just going off of a book or expectation, isn't really all that much of an exchange. The most important thing is building and cultivating a dynamic that feels fulfilling to us both. The point is for this to be something we both enjoy, rather than a source of stress or discomfort in expectation.
Sometimes, being submissive is following orders, and sometimes, it's just communication and reassurance.
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