Upon having my IUD replaced, I also got a full round of STD testing, which I was probably rather overdue for, but it was done, and came up as I had expected it to.
While talking to Lux about it, and giving him my status, he talked about how he needed to get tested as well, and we talking about shared status, and differences in our own methods.
Along with that, I've been thinking a lot about the many differences in our methods and preferences. Nothing that involves safety mind you, we're both in heavy agreement about all of that, but many other things.
Lux in general, makes decisions on his own who he plays with. When we both know the person, we will sometimes talk about things first, but often, Lux will simply tell me that he plans on playing with someone, or even telling me about it the next day. On the other hand, because my play is with only very rare exception with people I already know and am friends with, I make sure to check in with Lux about it ahead of time. I discuss with him what I am planning to do, and get his stamp of approval on the person. I don't make it a big deal with the other person, but it is something that I quietly handle with Lux myself, this way things with him are transparent and respectful.
Something that I think affects more people outside of us though, is what goes along with play for us though. Lux very much attaches sex with kink, and I know that when he says he wants to play with a person, it generally includes some manner of sex. Often when we take time to play, I think that I am one of few people who he sometimes doesn't combine the two with all of the time.
Meanwhile, where I am very selective who I will play with, I am even moreso about sexual partners. When people are open to play with us both, I often worry that I'm going to have to deal with a ton of awkward expectation, because I will need to explain to them that I don't want either one of us even acknowledging the existence of genitals. And it's not to say that it can't happen with people, but it's so much easier to tell them that it won't happen period, and then have the option to possibly adjust that in the future, than have them thinking any manner of sexytime is inevitable.
And it's caused people to not want to play with me at all. It's caused people to be more comfortable playing with me. It's also caused people to get frustrated and upset in the moment.
It's more important that I make things clear that I come with my own rules, and as much as I am safe with my partners, and as transparent as possible, we are not the same mind.
While talking to Lux about it, and giving him my status, he talked about how he needed to get tested as well, and we talking about shared status, and differences in our own methods.
Along with that, I've been thinking a lot about the many differences in our methods and preferences. Nothing that involves safety mind you, we're both in heavy agreement about all of that, but many other things.
Lux in general, makes decisions on his own who he plays with. When we both know the person, we will sometimes talk about things first, but often, Lux will simply tell me that he plans on playing with someone, or even telling me about it the next day. On the other hand, because my play is with only very rare exception with people I already know and am friends with, I make sure to check in with Lux about it ahead of time. I discuss with him what I am planning to do, and get his stamp of approval on the person. I don't make it a big deal with the other person, but it is something that I quietly handle with Lux myself, this way things with him are transparent and respectful.
Something that I think affects more people outside of us though, is what goes along with play for us though. Lux very much attaches sex with kink, and I know that when he says he wants to play with a person, it generally includes some manner of sex. Often when we take time to play, I think that I am one of few people who he sometimes doesn't combine the two with all of the time.
Meanwhile, where I am very selective who I will play with, I am even moreso about sexual partners. When people are open to play with us both, I often worry that I'm going to have to deal with a ton of awkward expectation, because I will need to explain to them that I don't want either one of us even acknowledging the existence of genitals. And it's not to say that it can't happen with people, but it's so much easier to tell them that it won't happen period, and then have the option to possibly adjust that in the future, than have them thinking any manner of sexytime is inevitable.
And it's caused people to not want to play with me at all. It's caused people to be more comfortable playing with me. It's also caused people to get frustrated and upset in the moment.
It's more important that I make things clear that I come with my own rules, and as much as I am safe with my partners, and as transparent as possible, we are not the same mind.
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