Coming out of the most recent trip to Kitty's there's been an odd swirl of feelings. Some of which I've already spoken about, but others I've had to take time to process through.
Once I had a day home without any of my polycule present, drop started to hit like a brick. I was exhausted, and doing anything for the first day or so was a project. Squishy wasn't being easy to deal with, and that certainly didn't help as the I trudged my way through a few days.
I wasn't dealing with the usual symptoms though that also accompany that mental state. I was anxious over not knowing what would happen in the next few weeks. Overthinking the options that depended on others, possibilities for when Squishy goes back to school, and a thousand other things. Enough that would overwhelm most, but instead all of gave me a sense of anticipation. Wanting to know what would happen, and feeling a bit like spinning wheels, but enough possibility for good that it wasn't digging.
I had the desire for contact that I had expected. Waking up wishing I was curled up with someone, the comfort of arms around me and pressure of sleepy weight. I wanted to go through that conflict of deciding whether to get out of bed or just snuggle into someone's chest and ignore the coming day.
What was odd though, was how much I wanted not just touch, but sex. Normally, when I'm feeling more anxious or stressed, it's the one time that my sex drive dips. Taking a break in order to help me focus through what needs to be done. However, this time, as I woke up wanting closeness, the next thing passing through my mind was wanting how much I wanted to get down. Wanting a sleepy attempt at fervent desire, a mix of clumsy force and need before starting the day.
It's been an odd balance, to come with everything else I've been adjusting to. I guess sometimes drop isn't all bad.
Once I had a day home without any of my polycule present, drop started to hit like a brick. I was exhausted, and doing anything for the first day or so was a project. Squishy wasn't being easy to deal with, and that certainly didn't help as the I trudged my way through a few days.
I wasn't dealing with the usual symptoms though that also accompany that mental state. I was anxious over not knowing what would happen in the next few weeks. Overthinking the options that depended on others, possibilities for when Squishy goes back to school, and a thousand other things. Enough that would overwhelm most, but instead all of gave me a sense of anticipation. Wanting to know what would happen, and feeling a bit like spinning wheels, but enough possibility for good that it wasn't digging.
I had the desire for contact that I had expected. Waking up wishing I was curled up with someone, the comfort of arms around me and pressure of sleepy weight. I wanted to go through that conflict of deciding whether to get out of bed or just snuggle into someone's chest and ignore the coming day.
What was odd though, was how much I wanted not just touch, but sex. Normally, when I'm feeling more anxious or stressed, it's the one time that my sex drive dips. Taking a break in order to help me focus through what needs to be done. However, this time, as I woke up wanting closeness, the next thing passing through my mind was wanting how much I wanted to get down. Wanting a sleepy attempt at fervent desire, a mix of clumsy force and need before starting the day.
It's been an odd balance, to come with everything else I've been adjusting to. I guess sometimes drop isn't all bad.
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