Demolished

 When I got home, while Rabbit's now ex had finally moved out, he didn't have a lot of time to process.  I was there for a good few days, and he had work, but he wound up with the full weekend off.  And that first day, at a certain point, I get a message saying that things started to hit.  That suddenly all the change, and the realization of how dark things got, and how much of himself he sacrificed over the last few years.

So I gave him patience, and presence, and the understanding of someone who has been in those spaces.  I gave him the space to sit, and process, and get himself past some of the initial hit.

And then a few days later, I had something happen.  Something that tore me apart, caused me to spin, and made me feel far more broken than I had in a long time.  I was typing with a handful of people, but knew Rabbit was asleep, so while I sent one message, I didn't expect a response.  He eventually woke up, saw it, and called me.  When I picked up, he asked if I was ok.  When words didn't come out, because I was crying too hard to speak, he just said he was throwing clothes in a bag and would be over whether I liked it or not.  

An hour or so later, he was here, ready to spend the night, prepared for whatever I needed.  So we curled up, and had sushi that he'd been craving, and watched one of our comfort movies, and just were.  We spent time helping each other, and that made us feel better ourselves as well.

I had thought I was ok when he left the next day.  We were able to play, and it got us both in a decent spot.  Then the weekend came, and I felt dragged down.  Puppy was here, and I just constantly felt drained.  I felt like I was frantically behind on everything, and like I couldn't keep track of the things I was accomplishing.  I was without the sense of peace I had with him in the fall, and felt more frustrated overall.  I don't know if it had to do with everything earlier in the week, but it well could have.

This is why we have people.  We support them, they support us.  Sometimes together.  And sometimes, we're left with things to question.