Safe

 In all my back and forth with Instagram, I've kind of settled into mostly using it as a way to find cute things to send to Rabbit.  Some of them are flirty, and some of them talk about aspects of relationships we identify with in good ways, and once in a while things about healing, which we're both still very much doing.

And one day, while sending silly things about butts, I found a video that simply mentioned "Who you are now, is who would have made you feel safe as a child."  As I sat with it, tears came to my eyes, and ran down my face.  I only really let myself think about it for a few moments at the time, but it was true.

I grew up having no idea what safe was.  That feeling on eggshells was normal, and having to hide everything about myself.  That sharing things got you harmed, and that everyone was in a position of power over you.  I've grown up learning how not to be.  How to create a balanced space.  Wanting to be nothing like the people who raised me, and doing as much as I can to be inclusive, and break the antiquated stereotypes built in hate and extortion.

I've grown up learning to explore and embrace who I am, and not care what people think.  To this day the only people who I'm not out to are my parents, because I know they'd react poorly, and I don't care to deal with it.  I've tried to become a space where people can trust, feel safe, and be welcome, no matter who they are.  Even when people come to me with different viewpoints, I try to understand it so long as it doesn't come from a place of hate.

So yes,  I am who I would have felt safe with, because I've had to learn the hard way all the types of harm that exist, and never want to cause those to others.