A New Devious Chapter

This year has been... weird. I learned that I can balance multiple partners in person, and not just stare at them confused about which one to snuggle. I learned that metamours, and building connections with them can be awesome. Headstands became so close to my reach I can smell it. I experienced polydrop for the first time, and it sucks. I attended a partner's wedding, and used that time to dig into him in ways only I can. I was present. I learned as much as I could. Over just a couple weeks, I put together a coloring book to share with friends. For the first time, I wore rope, and got suspended. I built new friendships. I ended some toxic ones. The karma dance was performed. I spoke up. I started explaining to my daughter about negative behavior, manipulation, and abuse so she will always be able to recognize it. I discovered how much my body and mind is affected by my diet and exercise, even after only a couple days. This year has been a lot of goo...

A little over a month ago, Kitty had a friend over, who had asked for help with some serious stuff.  We talked about it, and discussed about how she would likely start attaching herself to him, and that he needed to be aware of that. Well, gave it a couple weeks, and she wants to be a serious partner of his.  He's saying that she's making legitimate progress on making herself a better person, and someone who he would consider dating, but mostly just says she's cute.  Sometimes, old habits die hard. However, he already has three partners, and still has trouble balancing that many.  He knows this, and often talks to me about how badly he feels for not being able to give proper time to everyone.  Of course, he barely thinks about that when considering taking on another partner though. And it makes me think about how after a while of having two partners, that I'm still completely poly-saturated.  I can't imagine taking on another partner.  Both ...

Along with all the normal holiday stress, this year also brings about the cookiepocalypse, and making a ton of gifts for people. This year the cookiepocalypse happens to be a little smaller than normal.  I was initially told to barely make any, and when I pointed out how little it would be, I then said I would be making more, and it was understood.  The house is full of a ton of cookies, but unfortunately, there's been very little healthy stuff in the house as well, which has been turning my mood to garbage. I have also put together a whole box of stuff for Kitty, and the house down there.  I need to remember to mail it, and at this point it likely won't make it for Christmas, but it will make it there eventually.  I think it's all stuff they will enjoy, and can't wait for them to see everything. I've made some super cool stuff for Lux, and it's been really hard to keep it a secret.  I'm looking forward to spending time with him over the holidays, and ...

I saw Lux before he went back home last week.  He has been dealing with serious issues with his parents, and finally came by to see me while taking care of things. And where he had said he planned for us to go to brunch, he instead dropped the emotional bomb of everything going on.  And I just listened, curling up next to him while he dumped it all out.  Normally, Lux focuses so hard to keep everything at a baseline.  To act like he's unphased by things, and just able to move and flow with things.  This time, he let down those walls, and just spewed. It was one of those times when it reminds me there are still people who think men, and domly folk can't feel stress.  They need to be a rock through everything.  Those absolutely unrealistic expectations that prove they've never had a partner through any sort of serious life event.  This didn't make Lux weak, or any less of what he is.  If anything, it showed the trust and connection we have....

I've mentioned how Pyre and Lux are going through a lot of stuff right now.  There's chaos on all sides of my polycule, and it's creating a lot of stress. Kitty has been using what time he can to help with Pyre, and I've been trying to give him time and presence through it to process things.  Also discussing my view on the situation as a whole.  He's been helping Pyre, because they're living together, and she's his partner. I've also been talking a lot with Pyre through everything.  Even though she doesn't effect the stability or health of my relationships, she's still important to one of my important people, and someone I know would be a good friend regardless of us having a mutual partner.   Side notes: When Thrax was trying to win over Bit, I didn't approve of her at all.  She had no ambition, no respect, and barely took care of herself.  If Thrax wasn't trying to get into her pants, I never would have given her the time of...

Everyone is entitled to bad days.  The world isn't all sunshine, and so we don't all need to be happy and sparkly every day.  In fact, that is part of what makes life and the world beautiful, is all the complex emotions and things that occur every day. And sometimes, on those really bad days we might be a bit of an ass.  Someone tries to help at just the wrong moment, and winds up being snapped at, taking the brunt of the stress from the day.  It's something that happens, and being able to see that this is what happened is important as well, so both parties can recognize it, talk as necessary, and move on. However, mental illness doesn't give an excuse for that to happen more often.  It doesn't create much excuse for it at all.  Unfortunately, a lot of people use mental illness as an excuse for poor behavior.  That it allows people to turn toxic, and then sweeps that under the rug because they have something to throw it at. But toxic behavior is ...

I want to talk a little about mental illness. Which, I don't like calling it that.  It makes it sound like something similar to a cold.  Like you can just take something and everything goes away, and you feel fine, and go about the world like normal.  Like someone can visit, and tuck you in and bring you tea and soup and the next day you wake up feeling like you're back in fighting shape. And, it's not like that.  Things like depression, or anxiety or a slew of other things are something that sticks around for a long time.  Even if you manage to overhaul your life and feel better, you're still susceptible to it.  If the personal case is enough to feel that meds are necessary, they often lessen the symptoms, but don't completely alleviate them, and in most cases, isn't something that after taking them long enough you no longer need. While talking to Lux after Thanksgiving, he said he often feels like people go away when they realize that he doesn't wan...