A New Devious Chapter

It's the end of another year, and so, time to reflect on everything that's happened. I've learned that everyone I'm directly related to is toxic. That I was raised with no idea of what a healthy relationship was. That I will never be acknowledged as a person by my parents, and subsequently it teaches my daughter to do the same. I reconnected with one of the best people ever to come into my life. I discovered that I am poly, when I have healthy relationships around. I got into better shape, expanded my flexibility, and taught myself to do new things. My skills in a lot of arts were pushed, and I learned a lot. There were many new adventures, which were fantastic experiences. I was cared for, which is far beyond what I have at home. I tried as much as I possibly could to be a supportive partner, and take care of those important to me. Posted via Blogaway

I'm feeling emotionally torn apart.  Between Lux, and Kitty right now, I have a lot of stuff taking up my energy. Kitty has a primary that he lives with.  She is in the military for medicine, and is about to start her residency.  Well, she recently got her assignment. They were expecting something that would have them relocating just about an hour away for it to be more convenient.  She had also interviewed near where her other partner lives, across the country, where she went to college, and near his brother, again on the west coast.  I wasn't the happiest about any of those, because they all put him farther away from me, and I do enjoy spending time with my kitty. However, despite the planning, she was stationed somewhere else.  All the way down in Florida.  Where none of us know anyone to point them towards a social circle, or help them build a life.  And where Kitty has very little chance of finding a job in his field, or a good option for a masters program as a backup. 

If you haven't gotten it yet, I'm not a big fan of the holidays.  They seriously drain me, provide a massive amount of stress, and in general make me rather cranky.  And to top it off, my family has a tendency of forgetting me around this time of year.  Treating me more like shit than usual, but ignoring, and forgetting about me.  Mind you, I'm not the materialistic type.  I don't want much, usually because anything I'm told I'll get by most never happens, or I'm told no to things I need.  It's how I grew up, and it's always a bit of a shock to find out how abnormal it is. But, as you can see, this sort of environment doesn't make for much Christmas spirit.  It's why I'd get so upset with Thrax, when he'd literally spend thousands on Bit (usually on things from my wishlists, or that he'd previously promised me), then realize he forgot to get me anything, and yell at me that I was wrong and he was waiting for it to show if I aske

Recently, I saw a game that was more like going for a weird emotional ride.  A game that showed things from back in the day of using AIM, and editting thoughts or backing out of things as you went along.  Of unspoken feelings, and lost opportunities. And, a year ago, it would have hit me really hard.  The game is about the protagonist, and his best friend, a girl, and their conversations from the end of high school and the subsequent few years following.  He never says how he feels, and sees her leave, winding up with someone who is likely emotionally abusive, and losing that friendship. And, a year ago, I had thought Kitty was near out of my life permanently.  He was with someone who was jealous, and controlling, and had moved in order to further his life in a way that he couldn't here.  He knew how much I cared, but I thought that I'd lost him from my life. And at the same time, a year ago Lux had just recently moved, and I was seeing him less often.  We were making a lot

Lately, I barely have time to breathe.  This time of year is always busy for me, trying to make happen everything my family needs, and consequently getting shit on.  Hooray. We celebrate Channukah as well as Christmas, so when Thanksgiving comes around, we're pretty much in constant holiday prep, and guess who is constantly cleaning up messes and doing the work. The cookiepocalypse is in full swing, and so I've been baking nonstop, and working on a few other things.  Doing this around holiday logistics is less than fun, but luckily there is only a little while longer to deal with it. This time of year always has my stress levels through the roof.  It fucks with my cycle and always has me feeling wonky.  To top it off, Lux and Kitty are both so swamped at work that I barely hear from them, and it just drags me down more.  Soon though, the holidays will be done, and I'll have time with the people I really care about, and it'll make things much better. Posted via Bloga

The last few weeks I've been waist deep in projects.  Not just any projects mind you, but very detailed, time consuming, and intricate projects.  Things that kill my hands, make me feel exhausted, and sometimes are just overwhelming.  I made my father a snuggly couch blanket.  Contrasting colors that vibrate, and it's a good size to curl up with.  It was almost a month of working on it for two hours a day. I made kitty and his primary some plushies.  New patterns for me, and plushies are always a bit of a pain.  Making sure everything is the right size, and lined up correctly is difficult.  They loved them though. Since the summer, I've been working on a set of blankets.  Star wars blankets, comprised of two dozen separate panels, each featuring a different picture.  They're finally in the finishing phases, and have been a major source of frustration. I made Lux what I simply referred to as the masochistic project when I talked to him.  A tapestry crochet that I did

I see graphics, and captions, and posts and comments with this all the time.  It's a constant, and has become standard terminology for the vast majority of the country.  And for some reason, the words never stick with me. Things with the words "Every good girl has a bad side" or "Find a girl who is naughty just for you".  And, I just don't read it the same way most people do.  My incredibly high sex drive isn't bad.  My enjoyment of sucking cock isn't bad, and my sadomasochism isn't naughty.  These things are simply part of me, and I never use them in an ill manner. Telling me that I'm bad will simply make me not want to share that part with you.  It becomes hidden like so much of me does to the vast majority of people.  Saying I'm bad is telling me I'm doing something you don't like, and considering that it's often said with a boner in hand, it's telling me something very different.  Being bad is causing harm.  It'