A New Devious Chapter

One day last week was apparently straight pride day.  Of course, for a lot of reasons, there was flak on social media over it.  And, while yes, there are problems with putting that on the same level as other pride celebrations, or putting down other orientations in order to celebrate something, I personally, do get to have pride in my heterosexuality. I have pride because I've had people say to my face that they would never consider dating me not because of who I am, but because I am straight, and they would only date someone bisexual, because they "need threesomes, and would want the other person to enjoy it".  Where he literally didn't know how to have a significant other her couldn't fetishize by their sexuality. I have pride because for two years, I was told to lie about my heterosexuality.  That being straight was a "construct of society being forced on me" and that I "had to like girls, because they were hot." That even though I

I've had a lot of conversations about gender lately.  With people who are nonbinary, are in relationships with nonbinary folks, and how others feel about nonbinary folks. And ofcourse, it has me thinking. If I was hardpressed, I'm probably somewhere on the scale of being Agender.  And while this is likely surprising to people because I don't talk about it, it likely makes sense to them. I have no real problem saying that I am genetically female.  I've got female sex characteristics, and that's cool.  She/Her pronouns are fine, and have never bothered me.  They fit my appearance, which is no problem. However, calling myself a "girl" or a "woman" never really feels like it fits.  Feminine titles seem wrong in a way, and in fact, I've had conversations with people that masculine ones feel more suited to me. I don't really feel like a boy either though. And their isn't any fluctuation.  I'm just always statically me.  No g

(Written on the way home) My last post was written over the first few days of my visit north.  It was quiet, and calm for us, but we didn't get much done.  However, the rest of the week was absolutely wonderful.  We were far more snuggly and affectionate, relaxed and had more sex than during the week, and just were able to enjoy each other.  We discussed Pennsic, and projects, and plans.  I helped him with a few things he needed to get done, continued to take care of the apartment, and actively did what I could to help.  He seemed to relax as the week went on, and told me that everything I was doing was appreciated, and did in fact have a positive effect on his mental space. On Saturday, we went down to the city with some of his coworkers, to see a museum, and go to dinner for one of their birthdays.  It was fun, and Lux and I got to flail over the arms and armor for most of the day.  We both burned out on the other people present though, and on the train home we were mostly ju

This week with Lux has been just what I expected it to be. When he arrived to pick me up, so we could make the long drive back north, he felt the need to talk for a bit first.  To explain his distance, and the stress that has been heavily affecting him.  How everything is digging lately, and it's taking work not to snap.  He also made sure to say that he had a hangry, in case anything came out the wrong way. I assured him that so long as we were in an ok place, I had no problems, and just wanted to help him in whatever way I could. He laughed at how I was so simply comfortable with it, and honestly, so long as I see that he still cares, and is trying to be present, I'm confident we'll get past it. Anyway, after a long trip north (with stops for coffee and fried chicken, because sometimes he really is a stereotypical black man), we got in and relaxed a bit. Oh, and sex.  A lot of sex.  So much sex in the first night that I apparently slept through some of it. Sin

I'm sitting in homeroom.  It's early in the morning, and I'm digging out my drawing stuff from my backpack while sitting on my desk, getting ready to draw through geometry class and the review for the final.  As I shuffle through, I'm talking to my friend Nano.  Talking about my going to the larp that month. He tells me that if I see a person playing a character named "Kage", to challenge him and kick his ass.  That he had beaten Nano, and I had to get back at him.  I laugh, and agree rather sarcastically.  Out of our little group, I'm probably the best fighter, but I don't really care about getting back at anyone, and it isn't something my character would do. I'm sitting on a picnic table, late at night, with only the light on the porch of a building to go by.  There with me are two guys, one who is a couple years older than me, and wound up being a total skeezball, and one older than that, who found himself very pretty, and later admitte

With Lux and Kitty both being busy, I really haven't had much time with them.  I haven't seen either one of them in months, and only now have been managing to find time to talk to Kitty on the phone because he's at home getting things finished up for the move.  However, they've both been so busy during the day that I'm barely able to talk to them. It definitely has an impact on me.  I'm trying to be supportive and helpful, and stay present and consistent.  While that might not be helping them much, I think it does help, and sometimes I get time where they are responsive in return. However, the lack of time with them, even if things are relatively calm here right now makes me feel like I need some sort of presence.  These lengths of time away make me want simple affection even more than I want the sex, and more than anything, I crave just having time with them.  Those silly and simple moments that don't really involve anything other than time together.

It's the time of year when Lux gets sick, and this spring is no different.  We missed out of war camp because he wasn't feeling well, and neither one of us wanted him to risk anything by pushing himself over the weekend.  He needed to take care of him. And, while I wanted to go, I mostly just wanted time with him.  Time to snuggle up and decompress.  Time to be affectionate, and show care.  Time to just enjoy him.  And, time to discuss a lot of things. I had been trying to get a lot of answers out of him lately on things.  And the responses and figuring out just hasn't been there.  I was banking on having that time together to finally get answers, because I was just getting more and more frustrated with feeling like I was being dismissed. However, I told him how I felt, and he told me we'd finally talk.  And we did.  A short discussion which took care of half of what we needed.  I'll be heading up and spending all of next week with him, where we'll have plent