A New Devious Chapter

Puttering around before bed the other night, I saw an article about helping women have a higher sex drive to meet their partner, or some such. While I don't agree with that being necessary, and that anyone should be able to find someone they feel connected with, as well as have a similar sex drive, I let curiosity take over, and click. And, it gives the stereotypical advice.  Learn to masturbate.  Buy lingerie.  Create a romantic mood for yourself. When I was younger, and had no idea what a desire for sex actually felt like (for a host of reasons), this was the same sort of thing I was told.  And, I think this limited pool of advice definitely contributed to me being awkward as hell for the longest time when it came to sex.  I felt like I was broken because all the things recommended made me feel worse, or bored, or uncomfortable in my skin.  It took me a long time to realize and acknowledge my sex drive, and that it is as high as it is.  And it had nothing to do with wh

I have a very different body shape from my mother, as well as my any other member of my family.  And, not only while growing up, but through most of my teens, and even sometimes currently, I was ridiculed for it. Told I was less because I didn't have large breasts, and the target of several insults and shame due to having large hips and butt especially compared to my waist. I was outright told I would be seen as less attractive because of these things.  Because I wasn't shaped the way they thought was the only shape anyone was drawn to.  That it made me not worth the attention of anyone. And, it took me a really long time to realize how full of shit they were.  That I didn't need to wish that I had some specific body type in order to actually be attractive. At some point, I found acceptance in it.  Simply becoming complacent in the idea that my body is shaped the way it is.  They still made comments, and they still dug, but I knew it was something beyond my control.

A while ago, a game came out called "A Normal Lost Phone".  It was an awareness story-telling sort of game, that covered real world issues, in a great way to show the shit people deal with the early years of their life. Well, the creators made a new game.  This one so aptly named "Another Lost Phone".  And it is only the tiniest bit different from my time with the gnome.  To the point where I noticed what was going on in the first five minutes, and called every single detail before it was said. Kitty thought it would act as a mind fuck for me, and if I wasn't so completely over and past that chapter of my life, it might.  However, I found it interesting to see how clueless people are to it, unless it's thrown in their face.  That I wanted more people to see this game, for the chance to bring more light to how some situations actually go. That people do get forced and trapped into a home.  That they are manipulated into a situation that doesn't allo

We're celebrating Rosh Hashanah today here.  I've been herding cats for a couple weeks to be able to put it all together, and have people over for the new year. Mind you, the actual holiday was a few days ago.  People are more apt to come by on the weekends though. And, while sending good wishes to many people, I found myself having to explain holidays here to several people. We've always hosted holidays here.  Until I was grown, I had never had any sort of holiday dinner at someone else's house, and I was used to tons of people filing in throughout the day, not worrying about us not being home, or missing out on food and social activity.  It's why now I only know how to cook for ten at the least, and don't bat an eye at needing to cook ahead or for a crowd. It also made me think about the holidays I enjoy more now that I'm grown. There are a lot of holidays that I actively dislike.  The ones that focus on just being with family, or commercial obli

Over the weekend, in the midst of everything going on, Lux and I were looking for some semblance of normalcy.  Already trying to rebuild from what he was in the middle of. And so in the middle of the day, when I was simply going through some of the motions of the afternoon, Lux gave me a task to complete over the remainder of the day.  Nothing prompted it, and it had been a very long time since he'd asked anything similar of me.  To be honest, I was caught a little off guard in the first few minutes just with how big of a change it was for us. It didn't stop me from going about it though, and feeling very happy with him and us for the entire day.  As small as it was, I felt like I was helping make progress in a lot of ways, and pulled the fact that we do have power exchange back closer to the surface. Mind you, it didn't stop me from pulling some sass later on, even though I didn't get away with it as well as I could have.  Which may not have been something he exp

Welp, it's the start of insanity again. The time of year with very little mental break between things, and it starts in a week.  While I enjoy a lot of the things happening, this time of year is also always incredibly stressful for me near the end, and the holidays are never great for my mental space. However, next weekend is Rosh Hashannah, then I'll have a weekend of empty house where I'd like to do something myself, and then we're throwing a Halloween tea, on top of trick-or-treat itself, and all the fun Halloween things to do.  Then a tiny break before Thanksgiving, followed by Channukah, Christmas, New Years, and all the birthdays.  It's several months of constant, and not all of it I want to be a part of, but I'll be throwing myself in. Luckily, I've been feeling a lot more inspired lately, and Lux and I do want to take some time to have some amount of frivolity given how the last year has been for us. It's not going to be an easy time.  Bu

When being poly is good, it's really good.  Partners are supportive, and present, and things are awesome. And yea, sometimes things are going on with one or the other, and you shift your focus as necessary without the other one feeling left out, because everything is cool. But, when shit goes down with one, it's never only one. Lux has some incredibly serious and horrible things going on right now, and is a mess.  I've been being present where I can, but it's a mix of him not wanting people around, or me not being able to be there, or a ton of other things. On the same hand, Kitty was stuck in Irma, hunkering down at home, where I had no way to see if they were safe as I watched footage of the area where he works flooding. And here I am, in the middle, unable to help either one. So, needless to say, earlier this week I was a mess. Not only do I have one boy to worry about, but multiple.  And it sucks. But damn it, they're cute. Poly is dumb.