A New Devious Chapter

Right now, I'm getting ready for adventure. I'm finally able to take a week to head up and visit Lux for the first time in over a year, and we're both looking forward to it. Which means soon I take a short trip to the bus station, then attempt to not get lost in NYC, and then a long train, albeit a pretty ride, up to Lux.  I'm doing things a bit differently this time, but it should work out ok. It's been way too long since I've gotten up there.  With everything going on with his family, and then how busy we were for a few months, there just wasn't the option.  This trip is going to be a bit different as well.  Lux is now with a job where he works from home most of the time, so I'll need to make sure to keep myself occupied with him there during the day, so he has the chance to work in his office, but hold him to some sort of schedule as well.  It'll be a strange balance to keep.  At the same time, Lux is looking forward to being able to go ou

Upon having my IUD replaced, I also got a full round of STD testing, which I was probably rather overdue for, but it was done, and came up as I had expected it to. While talking to Lux about it, and giving him my status, he talked about how he needed to get tested as well, and we talking about shared status, and differences in our own methods. Along with that, I've been thinking a lot about the many differences in our methods and preferences.  Nothing that involves safety mind you, we're both in heavy agreement about all of that, but many other things. Lux in general, makes decisions on his own who he plays with.  When we both know the person, we will sometimes talk about things first, but often, Lux will simply tell me that he plans on playing with someone, or even telling me about it the next day.  On the other hand, because my play is with only very rare exception with people I already know and am friends with, I make sure to check in with Lux about it ahead of time. 

In the mornings right after I put Squishy on the bus, I often sit and finish my coffee while looking through some of the articles our google overlords recommend, and being trapped under a snuggly puppy. And a while back, there was near a week where every day I would see a headline talking about toxic masculinity or similar things, and want to read it.  Every time, I would get about a quarter of the way through, and find myself upset with how toxic the articles were themselves. They talked about how women don't want men to be taught about toxic masculinity.  Saying that it makes men too passive, and then the women actually have to approach men.  That men are simply using this as an excuse to not pursue women at all, and become too busy with video games. They talked about how horrible it is that people claim they don't feel that their gender matches their body.  That it's a mental illness rather than simply an orientation, and saying that it's terrible that parents

There's a movement going on, even if I'm a few weeks late. I can't post it on a lot of socials, because unfortunately people involved in shitty ways follow me and I don't feel like dealing with them. However, I too have dealt with multiple occurances of sexual assault and consent violation over the course of my life.  When I went to get my exam, during the interview beforehand they asked if I had gone through any of it before, and when I said yes, they had to ask if I reported it.  They looked disappointed to hear another person not being able to report things. And here's why I didn't bother each time: I was four.  The people around me didn't listen to a word I said, and I didn't yet have the words to even explain what had happened, let alone know it was something to report. We were dating at the time, so people told me I shouldn't frame him as a bad guy for just doing what he wanted.  When I told people after, I was told I was too stupid

I've had several reminders lately about just how many places I have touched on, and how many things I've done. Apparently, I happen to have done way more interesting things than the vast majority of people. It's always so weird to me when others only have a couple of interests, or a single circle of people they see.  To bottleneck themselves into a small segment of the world. Then they see how I know people in all corners of the world, and at all different things.  They welcome me happily, rather than simply short meetings.  That I share stories and time with all these people, and have done things with all of them.  Having built connections on various levels. And then I talk to people who have more mundane lives.  The standard vanilla day to day, content with that and not much else.  I talk about the things I've done like they're nothing special. Scaring people by chasing them with a chainsaw at a haunted house. Doing escapism for a freak show. Dancing

When I started getting my period, many years ago, I had absolutely horrendous cramps.  I remember having to go home from school often and not sleeping for three nights out of the month.  I frequently told my mom, who would claim I needed to go to the doctor, but would never make the appointment, because she didn't want to have to go to the gynecologist herself. Because of her own cowardice, my medical issues were never addressed, and where they likely would have given me some form of hormonal birth control, I had to just deal with it, and not have anything as a backup to condoms. So, when I got pregnant, and everything that came with that (a long story unto itself), I wanted to make sure it didn't happen again.  My doctor wouldn't do a tubal, for stupid stereotypical reasons, and so I went scouring over my options, looking for what would work the best for me.  I knew I wouldn't have a reliable schedule with an infant, and honestly didn't want all that many extra

I recently went about the process of replacing my IUD, which sported a ton of conversations with parents. More on the replacement later, because that's a long write up of its own. A few weeks ago, I scheduled a regular exam.  I had to go to a new office because my previous gyno had left her practice, and I wanted to take care of that before scheduling the replacement.  It also gave me a chance for a round of sti testing, which I hadn't done for a bit. Upon scheduling it, I was talking to my mom.  And here we go. First, was the conversation simply of having another IUD.  I have always.  ALWAYS.  Said that I didn't want kids.  I have been firm on that from my teens.  It has never at any point wavered.  While saying that I had wanted to simply maintain my method of birth control due to the ease of it, she of course had to bring up "Well if you ever change your mind you can have it removed". To which I mentioned my firm stance on not wanting any more kids,