Origin of Loki

I’ve been many things going back in my life. Going back as someone in kink dynamics, a dancer, a mom, a larper, and a gamer, I’ve been many things, and held many names. And while many of those represented me well at the time, or in those circles, to some extent, no matter where I’ve been, one name carried through.

I was handed “Loki Taviel” as a name. Given it by people who had been in my life from when I was first creating who I am, and putting together the pieces of my own unique brand of person.

In the earlier days of internet, finding good sources of information was a project, and even more of a challenge for something that wasn’t a single fact or tidbit. Me being a goth as fuck edgelord at the time, found a database of demons, and printed them all.

We sat in art class, my freshman year. Still knee deep in puberty, my dear friend Shadow and I poured over the pages, studying and memorizing what looked particularly interesting as we sculpted a human skeleton from memory.

I told you I was goth as fuck.

At a certain point, he put down the pages, and pointed toward the center of the paper. He said he’d found me, that it spoke and called, and just fit. Under his finger was the name “Loki”, and the description as a Babylonian fire demon that thrived on chaos. I wasn’t one to argue with that, and took the name on as something in conjunction with my birth name.

And over time more names went onto that pile. Characters, titles, stage names, and the like, all floating about as things I could answer to, all in different small venues and groups. They faded though, as I grew and moved from one chapter of my life to another. Always though, “Loki” was there. Consistent, and fitting more as I grew into myself.

Early on, I discovered the Norse Loki as well, and while not the same, I certainly wasn’t going to argue with how fitting it was. I knew I’d have to deal with this one more over time, but hoped not to have it cause issue.

There came a time when with that dear Shadow, I told him I needed to make a full name. That “Loki” needed a full identity. And here, in one of our nerdiest moments, he thumbed through a gaming booklet. Looked at the names, and titles inside, and showed me a page with two different things on it. Said they were both fitting. Both things that were essential to me. Attempting to read them both, he tried in many ways to combine the two, looking for a natural sound, before “Taviel” spilled from him. Immediately we agreed, and I had a name to call on.

And as the Marvel movies came out and gained popularity, the number of people aware of that Norse Loki rose. I got more looks and references to that, and people seeing me as simply a fan.

Several times, I almost put the name down. Thought about what it would take for me to find a new name. If I could find something that felt as right, or immediately fit the same way.

Rather than that though, I continued to utilize it more. More as a full name and identity rather than an affiliation. I carried it in a way that I didn’t need my birth name, and that this was simply enough. Over the course of time it’s gotten many reactions, ranging from people who still see me as a clinging fan, to people who see the energy in me and are taken aback by how I claim such a title. Once most people see me for any period of time though, simply agree that it’s who I am, and very seldom even need a birth name for me.

Loki has become my name more often and more widely given than my birth name. While it has evolved over times, it has evolved with me, and has never been any less fitting to who I am. Chances are that today, even with no problem giving my legal name, you’ll have better luck finding me with Loki, so I give that out more commonly.

Loki is part of who I am, who I have been, and who I will be, and even if that has times more awkward than others, it never won’t be right.