A New Devious Chapter

As of my next post, I'll have been writing to this blog for five years.  Five full years of two posts a week, never skipping a single one, even if deep in depression, anxiety, travels, and brainbugs. While there were small times when this felt like an obligation, in general making myself keep up with it helped me a ton, and definitely shows that I won't put something down right away after starting. I've mentioned several times on here, wanting to do and share more on a larger scale, and so this year I've thought about starting a proper vlog online.  Very simple talk to camera type stuff that helps me educate people, and catch them up on all my projects and progress in things.  Either weekly or bi-weekly, depending on how it goes, or how much material I have. And well, if I'm talking about a lot of current things there, I'm not sure if I want to just regurgitate it all in text here, because there's only so much going on in the world. Which means that ...

While Lux and I were in Philly, we ran into someone who had been to some events we had, and were chatting a bit.  I told him that I was teaching at them, and listing off what I taught, in case he had seen them in the line up. His reaction was a bit of surprise, because my classes are so specific and require a lot of education and expertise.  After a moment of quiet, he just said he teaches 101 style skill techniques, and I just kept the conversation like those classes were on the same level. I know I bring classes that aren't common in the scene.  I know I bring something that takes more training and understanding than a lot of kink basics.  I also have a lot more education and experience than even most kink educators in the scene when it comes to dance.  However, even as a dancer, I still attend beginners classes, because they're important. 101 and basics classes are incredibly important.  You need to put together something that is easy enough to dig...

Finally, a month after most other homes, we're done with the holidays!  The week of birthdays finished with Squishy's party last weekend, and now all the big celebration is done for a while. Unfortunately, I'm noticing some amount of SAD kicking in, which is not helpful to everything going on, but hopefully will peter off a bit with things calming down. Squishy's party was pretty simple.  Only two of the four kids she invited showed up, and they mostly played upstairs.  At one point I went to grab them to do cake, and found them playing in makeup (Squishy has some of my older stuff I don't use) and faces covered.  I had to grab my baby oil to scrub their faces, and they of course asked if it was made from babies.  It should go without questioning that I said yes. She was happy though, and her one friend's mom offered to have her stay the night, so we sent her off because she had no school the next day. This should also give me more time to work on things...

Just before Christmas, Lux was in Bermuda for the anniversary of planting his father.  While there, some super fancy rum got released on the island, and sold out before he could get to it.  The following weeks were a mess of dealing with a vendor he now hates, and having to file for fraud. Going further back, for a few years, I had thought about making Lux a stocking for Christmas, and filling it with practical things that he didn't yet have, which he'd mentioned wanting, or would work well for him.  Last year, he actually sent me a link to a masculine grooming box, and I told him that there was no reason to order a box when he knew he wouldn't need all of it.  I also told him I had thought about doing that for him, but felt awkward, and he assured me it wasn't a bad idea. So, this year I finally did it.  I hunted down a handful of things for him, and got distracted along the way, which meant getting him some cute fun stuff as well.  This included the a...

So, this is going to be awkward, and really weird. I was running errands ten years ago, yesterday.  Doing small bits of running around, and we stopped for lunch. I remember looking at the menu, and saying out loud "What will put me into labor?"  So I picked a pepperoni calzone.  While we were out, we picked up a cake.  Because it was my brother's birthday.  He also only said he wanted sandwiches for his birthday dinner, so we picked up a mix of subs, and let that be it. Home we went, and I felt normal.  We got through the afternoon, and I got some things done.  While sitting down at dinner, I noticed myself feeling uncomfortable, but nothing beyond tolerable, and I was told that if I were really in labor I wouldn't be able to function. Oh, my pain tolerance. We had dinner, and were having cake, and I went to the bathroom.  And while in there, I noticed that while I had finished using the bathroom, I could hear that liquid was still h...

I don't know what started the thought process the other day, but out of nowhere I started thinking about how foreplay has changed in sex throughout my life. When I was a teenager, both before and after I started having sex, there would be times when I would literally see the sun rise with a partner, still just performing what would normally be considered foreplay.  Intercourse didn't seem like the main thing, and wasn't treated like an end all be all. And then I had six years of partners who believed that thirty seconds of foreplay was fine before two minutes of intercourse, but that's besides the point. Now though, I exist in this space where there is a mix.  There are times when foreplay isn't that frenzied teenage madness, but something calm, and actually intimate in a way.  Times when that takes it's time.  And then there are times when there are only a handful of minutes before having sex, a rushed fever of force in comparison. And I'm not sure ...

I remember back in the 90's, when a show would have a single colored person, or a single white person, as a token example of inclusivity.  As though they were flailing and pointing to this one person who was either written into a stereotype, or very obviously placed, as though it magically made them open and accepting. And now with gender and sexuality and all of that becoming a thing, I notice it again.  Instead of just having a mix, or speaking about people as a whole, I constantly see others jumping down the throats of others to make the statement "regardless of gender".   An example from the other day which frustrated me was a meme about beards and changing tires.  It talked about how anyone should be comfortable just calling for a tow, or a tire change on the road in an attempt to make people feel affirmed in not knowing every skill that is stereotyped into an image. I commented saying that everyone should learn this skill, simply in that it is i...

Before the start of her winter break, Squishy and I had a morning where we could actually spend talking about a bunch of different things.  It had started with personal responsibility and not using anything as an excuse to be a poor person (anger management allowing someone to just be malicious as an example).  More of that another day though. We also went into talking about gender, transgender people, nonbinary people, and the like.  We've had those discussions before, but apparently she wasn't listening, because she didn't remember it at all.  On the bright side, she was receptive to all of it, and when I told her about me being Agender, she said it made sense.  I also at some point mentioned drag.  I explained it as an exaggeration of gender, both for entertainment purposes, and to express oneself in an uncensored way.  I told her that she would probably love seeing a drag show, because they're big silly things with lots of flash and personality...

This last year had a lot of new things.  In many ways, it inspired a lot of growth, in many positive ways.  I'm taking many steps towards becoming the person I want to be, and doing the things I want to do.  I fell behind in some things I'm not the happiest about, and it's caused to bad brainbugs. Overall, as much as this year has been difficult in many ways, It's been rather positive for me, thanks to the people in my life, and giving myself enough of a kick in the ass to keep going. And, for what might be near the first time, I feel myself dreaming about the future.  Nothing massive, but ambitious projects to encourage more growth, steps towards more independence, and a life I'm truly happy with.  In the past, I've always just kind of dealt with complacency in the idea that I would always be stopped.  That my blood relatives would always try to fuck me over and force me into their broken idea of what I need to do with my life.  It may not show, b...