It's officially spring.
That time when everyone is coming out of their seasonal depression, and digging their feet into the new year, with a better mindspace.
Unfortunately, I notice that year after year, this is the hardest time of the year for me. This point where winter is just letting go, and things are getting warmer is when my mind is the worst. This year, as you've guessed, is no different.
The last couple weeks have been terrible for my motivation. While I had a thousand things going on I was able to keep going consistently. Able to balance my own projects, create things, and do for everything going on.
And now that things have calmed down, even with so much coming in the near future, I'm finding it hard to get started on anything.
The worst of it is that I want to do these things. I have that desire to see them done, and now finally have the time to tackle them because I busted my ass to make time and get ahead.
Yet, it's really hard for me to pick up anything and really make a dent in it. It sucks, and it's only making my brain worse.
While this too could be a separate post, I don't want to stack too many negative things, so it'll pop here too. I've mentioned before how much I feel like I need to do things by myself. How much I hate asking for anything, because for the vast majority of my life, the vast majority of anything I asked for, whether need or want, was met with empty promises, being ignored or forgotten, attempts at gaslighting, or any number of shitty results. Recently, as I went to bed, my mind realized I'm going to need to ask for things in the next couple months, and it took me hours to fall asleep because my anxiety over it was so high.
And I know when I ask, it'll be handled like a small thing, and without realization of how difficult that request is, but on my end, I'll be curled up in a ball wanting to scream.
I can't want for things to start moving forward again, and for my brain to settle again.
That time when everyone is coming out of their seasonal depression, and digging their feet into the new year, with a better mindspace.
Unfortunately, I notice that year after year, this is the hardest time of the year for me. This point where winter is just letting go, and things are getting warmer is when my mind is the worst. This year, as you've guessed, is no different.
The last couple weeks have been terrible for my motivation. While I had a thousand things going on I was able to keep going consistently. Able to balance my own projects, create things, and do for everything going on.
And now that things have calmed down, even with so much coming in the near future, I'm finding it hard to get started on anything.
The worst of it is that I want to do these things. I have that desire to see them done, and now finally have the time to tackle them because I busted my ass to make time and get ahead.
Yet, it's really hard for me to pick up anything and really make a dent in it. It sucks, and it's only making my brain worse.
While this too could be a separate post, I don't want to stack too many negative things, so it'll pop here too. I've mentioned before how much I feel like I need to do things by myself. How much I hate asking for anything, because for the vast majority of my life, the vast majority of anything I asked for, whether need or want, was met with empty promises, being ignored or forgotten, attempts at gaslighting, or any number of shitty results. Recently, as I went to bed, my mind realized I'm going to need to ask for things in the next couple months, and it took me hours to fall asleep because my anxiety over it was so high.
And I know when I ask, it'll be handled like a small thing, and without realization of how difficult that request is, but on my end, I'll be curled up in a ball wanting to scream.
I can't want for things to start moving forward again, and for my brain to settle again.
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