A New Devious Chapter

I will preface this by saying that my cycle is incredibly reliable.  More often than not, I can predict well beforehand the exact day that my period will start, and feel comfortable with it. Nearly a week before I was due to leave for Lux's place, I was expecting to start my period.  I was right on time the month before, and hadn't had anything happen that would make me worry about it. Well, I started having symptoms, and it seemed like it would be on time. Until it wasn't. And while I wasn't seriously worried, I still panicked mentally more than I should have.  Until I realized my period is an asshole. Where I had planned for my period to be done the day I was travelling north, instead it first made it's appearance that day. Because it's an asshole. And while I know that having my period is not the end of the world, it certainly would have made this week easier.  Due to it being late my cramps were worse than usual, it fucked over my ...

A week ago, I was talking to Lux early in the morning.  I had been in a poor brain space, but was saying that I would do better that day, because I could make sure I was more packed, and had a ton to do in general.  I was getting Squishy ready for her last day of school before her break started, and talking about random things.  I looked at her and asked if when I travel I should look like a business goth, or super goth.  She answered super goth, and I told Lux about her answer. He didn't agree, saying that he noticed that he is treated significantly better when he dressed up to travel.  I told him that if I was flying, I would absolutely agree with him, because I would need to deal with the higher security.  With buses and trains however, I needed to look far less inviting.  When I travel people look at how small I am, and how young I look, and decide from there that I can be spoken for.  I've had men think they can try something with me on...

I know I said things would calm down after last month. I lied. In the last two weeks or so I've been completely insane with everything going on.  Two birthdays to prep for, one holiday (more on that soon) to get everything ready for, and keeping Squishy prepped for a ton of things in school now that her school year is winding to a close soon.  Art for books is being done, writing for my first cook book finally, crochet prep for Fusion, practicing dancing with swords, and a thousand other things. I feel like every day lately is a mad rush to see what I can actually fit into the day.  At the same time, I'm trying to juggle being present and giving people plenty of time, which I will always prioritize, because I would want them to do it for me if I needed it. It's a whirlwind, to say the least. Luckily, today is Easter, and while on one hand that means a lot of what I've done is now being utilized and I get to enjoy it, it also means that today after dinner, I ge...

Last Fusion post for a couple weeks.  I think.  I can't actually promise that. Anyway. While making some plans to play with people at Fusion, one of the things that I noticed was that the majority of my friends tend to be top leaning.  This means, that when they either ask me to play, or I approach them, most of those people are asking me to bottom. And, I found this a little disappointing.  Every time I was asked to be a stationary bottom for a scene, it just made me wish I had more opportunity to top.  It reminded me how much I enjoy being a sadist, and that I wanted more chances to play with that. Mind you, I do get a ton of enjoyment from the play I have with Lux, or even with Kitty on the chance that it happens.  I have no problem being a bottom during that play, because that's the dynamic we've built, and what I enjoy from it. But with other people, in situations I haven't built yet, I want more opportunities to be actively topping in scene...

Like I said before, Lux and I have been discussing a lot about our dynamic, and how we want it to evolve.  And with conversation about our power exchange, and things that have happened, Lux had mentioned knowing that there is a difference between slave and submissive. Which, even after more than five years, we never actually talked about that difference.  Much like the rest of our dynamic, we kind of just fell into something, and it happened.  And so, we decided it was something else to talk on. Lux simplified it to a slave being a continuous thing, and a submissive being something that only occurs during sex or play. I recognized that there are submissives who have a continuous dynamic though, and had to figure out how to explain it. I found that I had to look at a submissive as someone who is continually submissive.  Someone who is powerless and passive to their domly person (obviously with the exception of actual issues).  A slave has more blan...

With Fusion coming soon, it means starting to make plans for play.  One of the people Lux and I met last year became a friend, and over the course of the year has dropped hints that he wanted to play.  Well, I got to the point where I could start working on my dance card, and told him that we should find time for negotiations before the event, to save time. Later that night, with him being the person who initiated the idea of play, asks me what I want to do.  Now, to me, this is rather irritating.  If you approach someone, you should at least have a vague idea of something you're interested in.  Instead, as I asked him, he continually tried to pass the ball back to me, avoiding giving me any sort of answer. Frustrated, I gave him my biggest limits, hoping it would give him more to work off of.  He did the equivalent of throwing his Fet profile down on the table and asking me to build a scene from that.  Needless to say, this didn't help me at all. ...

Lux was way out of town last week, of course right after most of his move, so he was practically dead. While he was spending a day travelling out there, we did a lot of discussion on how we wanted to play more.  How we felt about it now, why we haven't played as much, and a lot of other things.  We talked about how we want to try some different things, and what would help us work through things in order to play far more often. It was decided that we need to do more work with abstract ideas of scenes.  Not elaborately worked out concepts, but more a single line that can create a train of thought. And this helped a ton.  Because we can take a few things we want to do, figure out a line to stand for that, and it makes a very open ended theme, which isn't as difficult to work with as no prompt at all, and easier to work with than a scripted scene. It's resulted in bringing on a lot more power exchange this week, and talks of having a lot more play when I do get t...

I've been dancing for over a decade.  In that time I've had regular classes, taught myself to work on technique, taught regular classes, and found joy and challenge in learning and working on dance as much as possible.  And ever since I've started dancing, I've had very strong opinions about using props. Veil dances frustrate me.  The vast majority of the time, if I were to envision the dancer without a veil in their hands, they would literally just look like they were walking around or spinning on stage.  It just looks like if I were to hand Squishy a veil, turn on music, and let her play around.  When I bring this up to a lot of dancers, they flat out say they use it as a crutch, so they can let the veil look good for them. For the same reasons, I'm not fond of skirt dances, or veil fans.  Sure, there are more actual moves involved in these pieces, but a lot of the time the prop is what is doing the work on stage, and it shows. If I am going to use ...