It's been about a month now, but there have been other things I've wanted to talk about in the meantime here before writing about this particular moment.
Lux sent me a link to a Reddit post, saying there was something attractive about what was behind it. I checked it out quickly, because he very rarely sends me things like this that aren't just giggly porn. The post was a short video, mentioning training someone, and a small video with a gesture that is sometimes shown being taught to pets.
And I immediately could tell what he liked about it, and I liked it too, in a very lighthearted way. It wasn't taking choice away from anyone. They were still free to express themselves, but had that moment of handing over control.
It's the sort of thing Lux and I both talk about often. That we never want to feel like there is a lack of voice, or any loss of self. That we are people at our core, complex and unique. He doesn't want to take that away, and doesn't want to feel like there's any sense of fear, or lack of transparency.
However, him actually having those times where he remembers he's in charge are good for us both, and little gestures do that. Expressions where there is an active exchange of control, made out of a choice without fear, but out of happiness.
That's the biggest thing. That I'm happy letting him have control, without him taking away any sort of voice that I have. We've talked about it since, and that those expressions are what we need to find more of, and while they're a bit of a project to find, I think we'll get there.
Sometimes complete control is the sort with the lightest grip.
Lux sent me a link to a Reddit post, saying there was something attractive about what was behind it. I checked it out quickly, because he very rarely sends me things like this that aren't just giggly porn. The post was a short video, mentioning training someone, and a small video with a gesture that is sometimes shown being taught to pets.
And I immediately could tell what he liked about it, and I liked it too, in a very lighthearted way. It wasn't taking choice away from anyone. They were still free to express themselves, but had that moment of handing over control.
It's the sort of thing Lux and I both talk about often. That we never want to feel like there is a lack of voice, or any loss of self. That we are people at our core, complex and unique. He doesn't want to take that away, and doesn't want to feel like there's any sense of fear, or lack of transparency.
However, him actually having those times where he remembers he's in charge are good for us both, and little gestures do that. Expressions where there is an active exchange of control, made out of a choice without fear, but out of happiness.
That's the biggest thing. That I'm happy letting him have control, without him taking away any sort of voice that I have. We've talked about it since, and that those expressions are what we need to find more of, and while they're a bit of a project to find, I think we'll get there.
Sometimes complete control is the sort with the lightest grip.
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