A New Devious Chapter

When Thrax was trying to convince me that we needed to date Bit, I constantly told him that I didn't want it to happen.  I told him that if he was going to bring in another partner, it had to be someone I approved of, because with how often we spent time together, and that he wanted her to live there, it would be like me dating her too.  He swore that I wouldn't be dating her, but then also said that "our" relationship needed a girlfriend in the same breath, hoping that would make him look less like a selfish asshat. Well, y'know, I didn't want someone who lied, stole, did drugs, had a bunch of unprotective sex already with STDs, and was generally disrespectful in our dynamic.  Oh damn, look at me being the bad guy. Now, while I don't really care if my partners become super besties, it is significantly easier for me if they get along.  I'm really lucky that Lux and Kitty approve of each other, and hit it off pretty well. And, Kitty feels the same

So, I'm unfortunately not with Kitty right now.  More on that later, but instead, an update on the many other things that have happened in the last few weeks. The beast had her seventh birthday.  She got a ton of presents, and I got to meet the boy she likes from her class, which was adorable.  I hope they become good friends.  The party left me tired, but she had a good time. I've got two nights a week busy with different stuff now.  One night is for dancing with a good friend Faye, who is in a new relationship and it's adorable.  The other is with one of my wifeys, who is either going to be dancing or bringing games for us to play.  Having two evenings busy every week is a bit of a change for me again, but it's good for me to be social again, and it does help my mindset. My family is becoming to irrationally toxic toward me that it's slowly creeping into how they view and treat others as well.  They very soon are going to lose everyone around them just with how

Today, is Lux's birthday.  He's turning thirty, cause he's an old man.  I intend to make as many jokes as possible over hitting a new decade in his life, and making him feel old. However, this makes me think about how interesting, and odd it is that we became friends when we did.  I had just broken up with Thrax, and ended a social media hiatus.  I commented on a couple small things on Fet, to which he sent me a message, saying how we had so many mutual friends.  Despite the fact that I was still trickling social things back into my life, I responded, with normal conversation, to which we talked a bit back and forth.  I personally saw nothing coming from it, and figured he was just another fetdom perving about. We wound up going to a fair that we had plans to hit up, and talked for a bit there.  I found his glasses in the middle of the road, and just minor hanging out.  From there we found numbers, and facebook accounts, and continued talking, with slight comments on pla

Last weekend, Lux and I had a fantastic time at Spring Caravan.  There were some really wonderful performances, we got to see awesome people, and I got myself a new dress as a Mother's day present. I really do love the vibe of this event.  It's just chill, and fun, with a lot of great things to see, but not nearly as crowded as Rakkasah East in the fall.  And working back stage at the end of the night like I have been basically just means a mini dance party. However, after dancing until late at night, and getting back up to our room exhausted, Lux woke up Sunday completely fucked with how sick he was.  After he barely made it back to my place, he promptly passed out in my bed, and I informed him that he wouldn't be going home until he felt better.  So I spent two days snuggled up and taking care of him.  And he couldn't talk, so he couldn't tell me no, or complain that I was doing too much for him.  Honestly, I was happy to spend the extra time with him, and to t

So, I went to Wicked Faire last weekend, despite having no intention of going.  I also wound up getting snowed into the hotel, along with all of my performer friends who had intended on leaving. Which meant that I stayed far longer than I normally would have, and got to see the entire con go a little insane. While the last concert of the evening was going on, music was playing outside.  This new venue has a large central hub type area, where some rooms even have balconies overlooking the space.  It's really quite beautiful. Music may have turned into a silly dance party. Which then may have turned into Journey.  When everyone came out of their rooms.  And started singing together. Yes, an entire con full of people, all singing and dancing in one giant karaoke type ruckus.  The only word to describe it was magical. With everyone still singing, I was supposed to go play with a friend, who was interested in actually getting to unload and beat me up.  He borrowed a room for

There are many reasons why I do not speak about sexuality, or sex in general with my parents.  The following are a few of those reasons. We have a lot of people in and out of the house normally.  It's always been the case, and lately, we've had the family of my brother's childhood best friend (who is basically my adopted brother) here all the time.  As an adorable side note, their son who is just younger than the beast, is her best friend.  Friendship down generations is the cutest. So, girlfriend of said adopted brother comes over for dinner a few days a week.  She missed one of her normal days, and so we checked in with her, and she said she was at a sex toy party, and would be over that night for leftovers. When she came over, she and my mother were talking, discussing how she intends to throw a party herself, and wants me to go (which I would rather not, for a multitude of reasons), and that she is throwing the party so that she can get the vibrator she wants, whi

As it is Thanksgiving, I thought today should be spent doing the obligatory post of everything the I am thankful for. Positivity: I have far more positive influence in my life than I think I ever have.  I have this mix of people who have been around forever, people who have only grown close in the last couple years, and people who are newer to my life that encourage me and show such affection and love. Dance: I am grateful for the ability to dance, and the fantastic experience it brings.  Being able to teach and spread what is essentially a language of movements, as well as being able to shake my ass around while cleaning, or spending time on stage, it has helped me build more body confidence, and be healthy. Beast: The little beast teaches me so much, and truly is a little ball of squishy love.  She's at the age now where we actually discuss philosophy, and it's done with a clean slate of someone who hasn't been influenced by random things they hear.  She gives me th

With the holidays coming up, things have been hectic at home.  So, a more vanilla update of things going on. I've basically taken over the majority of the work for the holidays.  I'm planning the large meals, and organizing shopping lists and making sure we have everything.  I've made my plan for the cookiepocalypse, and have been put in charge of all the baking, because about half the recipes are now my own which no one else knows.  My mother realized how quickly I can crochet, and so I'm making gifts for everyone. Then top off with everything I wanted to make for people otherwise, writing here, cleaning, and still teaching dance, I'm a bit busy lately. This is also paired up with long (for me) dry spells from sex, which has me feeling frazzled and cranky.  I notice it kicking in, and try to fight it, but it creeps into my mood regardless. I feel myself falling away from social media lately.  When I log on, I notice it's all just negativity and mindless

So, my Thursday class is with my first student I ever took on.  She never practices at home, so I have to make sure to kick her butt every week, and sharpen everything myself with her. We also went to elementary school together. And a ton of other weird connections that makes the world feel much smaller. So, you get the point that we're friends outside of dance class. She has taken on a job with a cruise line, and a few weeks ago came home for her off season, which is why we've been able to have weekly classes.  This paired up with the fact that she dumped the boy she was seeing when she last left, has caused her to make some decisions that are to me, rather questionable. While she was dating one of my other friends, she would go on about how she would withhold sex unless he promised her rope work.  And not just tying her wrists up, but full harnesses, and binding her completely down to the bed.  She would then bitch about how sex often hurt because her junk was very shallo

Now that May is almost over, instead of just banking a ton of entries, I can give a real update. So, my life this month. Got to dance at Spring Caravan, and do a set with all the feels. Finished crocheting a full size blanket, and it is warm and squishy and amazing. Camped, and performed at West Windsor for the first time. Saw a ton of friends. Had sex with Lux.  A lot. Had to compromise with Lux about where he can hit me when I have a performance, so I can cover it up. Did a lot of drawing. Enrolled at Hogwarts.  No, seriously.  I'm doing homework for seven classes. Talked myself out of taking a lot of nudes, because while my dysmorphia is quieter, it's not gone. Helped my folks get ready for their trip out to Chicago. Got a fix of new Dresden Files. Played with chain mail, and learned new weaves. Pouted at Lux, because I wanted more sex. Got pissed off at the gnome. Officially stopped thinking about Thrax most days.  When I do, it's mostly that I feel o

While life is fairly calm right now, I'm finding myself flailing to get caught up with everything coming up. Performances are coming up, and I need to find the motivation to dance more.  I know that once I turn on the music and devote time to it, I'll be fine, and find my addiction to wiggling again, but it seems thrown away right now. Getting everything started to begin making costuming is taking longer than anticipated, which I should have realized.  It sometimes feels like I'm failing for an impossible result. While I feel inspired to work on things, they are often not the right things.  There is so much I need to do lately, and even though I should be playing with chain and fabric, I am compelled toward drawing.  Which I manage to finish quickly, but I need to figure out a way to balance my projects that need to happen, with what I want to make. I'm feeling restless, and off.  I need a few days away from home I think.  To really figure out how I want to hand

The good: My brother dumped the cunt he was seeing!  We've only been trying to get them to break up for six of the seven years they've been together!  I get my brother back.  This is fantastic, because my brother is one of the only blood relatives I have who I really care about. I had a bonfire over the weekend, and got to spend time with some good friends, and a few people I hadn't seen in a while.  There was lots of silliness, wiggling, drums, fire, cigars, and positive energy that I've needed lately.  Lux came by, and after spoiling him with good food, and lots of fire, we snugglefucked for hours, then got way less sleep than we should have. I'm finally starting to make a bit of a dent in my project list, and it's seeming somewhat manageable.  Dance classes are starting soon, and the girls my mom works with all want chainmaille jewelry from me, which means everything is getting started.  It's just the kick I need to stay inspired. The bad: My pare

After so many posts about the workings of my brain lately, it's time for a real world update. I've moved out of the apartment with Thrax.  I couldn't stand being there anymore, with him either ignoring me, being an ass, moments of being apologetic, and hearing how insecure his girl is.  I have moved back in with my parents (I know, I said I wouldn't) because three weeks of not talking to them was a reality check that they needed. They're actually being encouraging, though my father is still fairly clueless about my life.  It's not something I'm surprised about, but so far they're being much better than they ever have been. I'm also swamped with projects, be it sewing, drawing, crochet, or chain maille.  I love being able to hop between mediums, and stay inspired to work on all of it.  April is entirely devoted to getting through as much as possible, because I've got quite a few performances in May. Being back here also lets me start teach

It's no lie, I should be cleaning right now. Creating. Adventuring. Or at the very least typing here about my adventures at Wicked Faire last night.  That'll probably be later today.  Maybe a video post. But no, not right now. I just found out my contract got dropped for the military.  Something I was looking forward to, to travel, and learn, and grow, and do something amazing.  To truly start my life in a way it should be.  And with a phone call, it all got taken away. So I curled up in a ball for a few minutes.  My buzz from the night before died, and I was mopey.  I still am.  I felt like everything was gone. I hate how my luck often works.  How every good thing, or opportunity fails. I sat on that for a bit. And then I got up, and immediately applied to perform at a few venues, and remembered what materials I have here to make things. This is not the end. This is the beginning.  I will do what I love.  I will create.  I will dance.  I will be something. It

I'm fairly certain that I mentioned this in my old blog, but I want to go into more detail with it here. Everyone is their own worst critic when they look in the mirror.  They see their flaws, and everything they wish they could change. Then there are people like me. The ones who when they look in the mirror, their mind actually distorts what they see, or processes it differently or whatever the fuck that happens.  And they find themselves hideous. I've got body dysmorphia.  Hardcore.  Every day is an argument in my head for me to not hide under a pile of blankets, covered in giant sweaters, and never let someone look at me. But that's not exactly the healthiest way to live. And I try not to let anything in my brainbox keep me from living the way I truly want to. So I still get out of the house, and I talk to people, and I live without it stopping me from most things. It takes a lot. And I know I must be attractive.  I have friends who tell me so, and get r