A New Devious Chapter

While perusing the Tumblr, I saw something on one of those random little surveys that someone had done.  A question that asked if the person had ever cheated on a partner before. Their response was that they hadn't physically, but they had emotionally. And this got me thinking about when the gnome accused me of cheating on him emotionally with Felix.  After he had been cheating on me with some unknown number people, lied to me constantly, treated me like shit and a myriad of other things. No, I'm not saying cheating should ever be a justifiable option, but his accusation was based purely off of his own insecurity.  He was being an asshole, so he assumed I must be too. Cheating is a conscious decision.  You make the decision to do something, the decision to follow through, and the decision to keep it from others.  Drunk isn't an excuse, depressed isn't an excuse, you yourself make the decision to do something you feel you need to keep a secret. And developing f

I've recently been thinking about some of the things I thought I simply wasn't capable of as far as sex and play had been concerned.  Not my limits mind you, but just certain scenarios that I didn't think I could ever deal with due to my past, and how it would affect me now. Thrax and the gnome left me pretty heavily fucked up about a lot of things.  Between rape, being put down for my sex drive, being told my asking to play every few months was pushy and too forceful for a slave it didn't leave me in the best mental shape. Then add in the lies, disregard for my well-being, attempts at manipulation, and totally ignoring what I'd clearly asked of them.  It adds to that pile. I was at a point a year ago where I couldn't imagine co-topping ever again, submitting to any real extent, having someone else present while I topped someone, or having another girl as a third in any way, or my being a third. And it's been a year, I've had a lot of good

I've managed to get to the end of all my pre-typed, and scheduled posts, hooray! This last weekend, I spent with Lux at his place.  We both went into it with the intention of violence, snuggles, productivity, and obscene amounts of sex.  He however, was under a ton of stress with everything going on in the next couple weeks, that it turned into more just productivity, some sex, and a lot of snuggling. To be honest though, I enjoyed it all the same.  It was a fantastic escape right after my birthday, and I got to help him get through a lot of things he needed to do.  We'll find time to get around to the violence soon, as it's much more a case of needing to get free time, rather than finding the desire at this point.  He gave me some wonderful gifts (some of which I unfortunately already had, but oh well, he can enjoy them himself) and I saw the chain piece he is making for me, which while still in progress looks gorgeous, and I can't wait to see it finished.  I helpe

Now that May is almost over, instead of just banking a ton of entries, I can give a real update. So, my life this month. Got to dance at Spring Caravan, and do a set with all the feels. Finished crocheting a full size blanket, and it is warm and squishy and amazing. Camped, and performed at West Windsor for the first time. Saw a ton of friends. Had sex with Lux.  A lot. Had to compromise with Lux about where he can hit me when I have a performance, so I can cover it up. Did a lot of drawing. Enrolled at Hogwarts.  No, seriously.  I'm doing homework for seven classes. Talked myself out of taking a lot of nudes, because while my dysmorphia is quieter, it's not gone. Helped my folks get ready for their trip out to Chicago. Got a fix of new Dresden Files. Played with chain mail, and learned new weaves. Pouted at Lux, because I wanted more sex. Got pissed off at the gnome. Officially stopped thinking about Thrax most days.  When I do, it's mostly that I feel o

I fear stagnation.  In every aspect of my life. I need regular change, and break from any routine.  I don't want any part of my life to become so predictable that I can walk myself through myself through my day. It's why I cycle through so many different art mediums.  I don't want to burn out on any of them, so I will jump from one to another, to keep myself inspired, and in love with all of them. I need adventure.  To leave the house, and wander the woods, or something away from home, even just for an hour. New recipes, things to learn, all aspects of life need change and evolution. Including sexy time. I hate the idea of sex being the same.  Considering all the kink I'm into (And I in no expect one partner to share every kink that I do) sex should never become routine. However, my last two relationships both had sex stagnate into the same five minute script.  To the point where I could almost tell where my exes hands would move, how their breathing would