A New Devious Chapter

Today, is Lux's birthday.  He's turning thirty, cause he's an old man.  I intend to make as many jokes as possible over hitting a new decade in his life, and making him feel old. However, this makes me think about how interesting, and odd it is that we became friends when we did.  I had just broken up with Thrax, and ended a social media hiatus.  I commented on a couple small things on Fet, to which he sent me a message, saying how we had so many mutual friends.  Despite the fact that I was still trickling social things back into my life, I responded, with normal conversation, to which we talked a bit back and forth.  I personally saw nothing coming from it, and figured he was just another fetdom perving about. We wound up going to a fair that we had plans to hit up, and talked for a bit there.  I found his glasses in the middle of the road, and just minor hanging out.  From there we found numbers, and facebook accounts, and continued talking, with slight comments on pla

There was a few things Lux and I talked about while he was here last.  One was a more personal thing, pertaining to the people in our lives, which lead to discussing how Lux is as a domlyperson.  I jokingly called him a lazy dom.  He agreed, and felt bad, but I made it a point to say he wasn't really, but rather one who simply wants basic obedience and respect.  He mentioned how he likes that I have so many self imposed rules, out of respect for him, because it means that he knows I'll constantly consider them, and follow it, without it having to become a formal order. We discussed how if he were to give me rules, I'd only have three.  To let him be in charge (most of the time), to take care of myself as well as him, and to be openly, and consistently honest at all times. Nothing insane. But the basic building blocks of healthy power exchange and relationships.  The other rules we create, either that I create for myself, or that he gives to me, are ones personal to us, t

I've recently been seeing a lot of things that include, or describe demisexuality.  I have a few friends who identify that way, but that they are the type that need to be in a solid romantic relationship before they consider sex.  This is the way I had figured it worked, so I dismissed it, blaming my sociopathy for my disinterest in most people.  I was very capable of a sort of casual sex, between friends, that needed no romantic stimulus to create that desire. Then, I continued to think past that.  Sure, I absolutely consider myself hypersexual.  I want sex all the time, and am damn near insatiable, whether with one of my partners, or in the middle of a dry spell.  However, I never look at the option of finding partners.  I could have someone standing in front of me that is my absolute ideal physical type and preferred personality, and if I ask myself if I want to fuck them, the answer will generally be a loud and resounding no.  However, give me a week or two of contact with tha

While I was so fortunate as to have an empty house, Lux decided to come down and spend the weekend with me.  I had leveled out from having less exposure to my toxic family, and was now at the point where I needed extra stimulus in a positive manner to help me reset. And it worked.  In spades.  Even if I didn't want Lux to leave as early Sunday morning as he did, I enjoyed having him around so immensely.  We got caught up on the normal goings on, discussed a bit what is going on with folks lately, and all of the Pennsic prep we needed to chat over. We also had a ton of sex, and despite intentions of beating me, we legitimately were unable to find the time for it.  We did however, get to relax on the porch a lot while he got work done, and on Saturday evening Zero came over with games, and we giggled at them until near midnight, listening to the fireworks on all sides of the house. We also talked a lot about why we haven't been as violent lately.  About the stress going on in

I have trouble asking for things.  Between being so service oriented, and my own past/family, I hate asking for anything, or even acknowledging that I have to ask for something.  I don't want to turn this into a sad recollection of abuse though. Every so often, to try and get myself more able to request things, I will ask for small tasks, to get things done more quickly, or just to provide some small comfort or aid.  Even those I have to talk myself in to though.  It's a project, and I'd almost rather just ignore it, or do it myself. I recently told Lux I needed more time with him, and asked if we could either have more chance to talk, or see each other when we're not about to go to sleep, or forcing ourselves to keep from doing something else.  Something that I understand is a basic thing in any relationship, and there are far worse issues to occur, but feeling the need to ask this, had me near tears.  I hate the idea of feeling like I need to ask for things.  Especi

Fusion occurred recently, and a good number of my friends, including Kitty, attended.  The event does spark my interest honestly.  Camping, spending time with friends, getting to play with fire, and having the chance to play with people I am very close to are all things that will get my attention.  I've thought about attending a few times. However, there's a part of me that never enjoyed public play.  There's too many reasons for me not to.  When people look at me, they generally tag me as submissive, and well, that's right some of the time, but definitely not always.  People that don't know me don't expect me to be a sadist, and act like I'm a service top.  No, I really just want to tear people apart, and I'll rip them to shreds too, just for being an ass. The biggest downside for me though, is that my pain tolerance is actually so high that I've had DMs tell me they don't trust a scene with my as a bottom to be safe.  I can take so much force

So, there's been a lot of stress at home lately.  My brother recently moved down to North Carolina with his emotionally abusive girlfriend, and my uncle was declared terminal in the last couple weeks.  My parents basically treat me like a punching bag for stress, and barely give me basic human respect normally, so I've been a wreck.  The Thursday before Father's Day my parents decided they were going to go see my uncle out near Chicago.  The idea of being stuck in a car with them for two days each way, and with family members that I can't hold a conversation with for a week was giving me anxiety attacks, so I told them I didn't want to go.  Upon discussing the trip to the beast, she also said she didn't want to go.  I don't blame her.  What six year old would want to sit in a car for two days at a shot? Earlier before all of that, Lux had mentioned wanting to go see his family, and Nessa over the weekend.  He also said he wanted to see me due to my already