A New Devious Chapter

 About a month ago now, I finally had some time to have Zero over for the birthday fire we had planned to have in the summer.  It wound up being a long evening with him and his spouse, who no one is terribly fond of.   And every time I see him lately, I realize more and more how little growth he's done. He's on medical marijuana now, and claiming it's made him all better.  But he's still not doing anything he knows he should until he's told that he has to.  It's made it not so he has an urge to do better, but made him happy with complacency.  He traded drinking as a coping mechanism with one a doctor told him was ok, and telling himself that it's fixed everything. I also took the time to look at his relationship.  His spouse has only become more and more of an empty human.  She has zero interests that aren't ones he had first, and all of those are things she barely touches.  To top it off, anything she does she has minimal skill with, but thinks she'

Last week, Zero checked in to see how I was doing with the lockdown.  We caught up a bit, made sure we were both ok, and then he asked if I had any free time for artwork.  Being between projects, I told him that I could potentially take something else on.  There were no other details yet. He then said that the deadline would ideally be a week later, but could be something for next year, because it was for his friend's birthday. And proceeded to tell me he wanted a full deck of many things from D&D, with all JoJo's Bizarre Adventure art.  That's 25 fully drawn and colored custom pieces of fanart, to a specific size, that would then need to be printed on a one off service. He just talked about it like it was a casual request.  Like I would be happy to put aside anywhere from 100-200 hours for something that would be a birthday present for someone else, like asking someone to pick up milk when they visit. You know what would have made me less angry about this, is a

Last weekend, after a long time away, I spent some time with Zero. We hadn't seen each other in a long time, and it was good to catch up, and actually spend time together. Friday night we wound up going to a friend's house, and I saw a ton of people from my old larp.  They were surprised to see me, and it's always fun to show off how small the world is.  I found myself falling into my normal extroverted role, and Zero fell more into the background, speaking up only occasionally. It's always interesting to see how we wind up behaving in groups, even when we're around friends. The next day I wound up getting some work done, and then we went to a hobby shop.  While I was looking forward to the idea of a myriad of things, I found the place to be only full of models for tabletop combat games.  The men there had no idea what to talk about as soon as I said that I didn't play any of them myself, but had knowledge or skill in a ton of other nerdy things.  They w

This last week has been a whirlwind for people in my life, and it has me worrying about so many. Zero discovered that the girl I expressed to him my dislike was manipulating him, taking his money, and using him to feed her drug addiction. Kitty is stretched beyond his spoons, making excuses, and feeling battered in his own home. I have friends being attacked on all sides, in life changing ways, over what was likely some dumb mistakes being taken far out of proportion. Lux is still dealing with family insanity. And all I want to do is have physical presence for all of them.  Be with them, hold a calm environment, and help however I can.  Talk things out to death, reassure them, provide comfort and support, and remind them all that sometimes they're dumb boys with good intentions that simply want to see the best in people.  They're good boys, but there's too much crazy elsewhere in the world for them to keep their intentions sometimes.

So, I said I would talk more about Zero, and things going on with him that have me rather cranky. I had to be all pride though, cause it's the thing to do. Last time I talked to him, I was trying to make plans for us to hang out, because it's been a while, and he keeps saying he's missed me.  I made a few suggestions of dates that worked with his schedule, and he started saying that he wasn't sure, and might be hanging out with "the girlfriends". To which, I asked if this new girl had flat out said she wanted poly and to date.  He said "Not yet, but just taking it day by day".  Bitch, if you already started calling this person your girlfriend, when she isn't, and hasn't yet said she wants to be, you aren't taking it "day by day".  You're reaching for an ideal situation in your head, and don't want to accept that things might not be that way. We continue talking though, and he fills me in that this girl has a ton

Lately, Zero has been coming to me a lot with issues about poly stuff. Mind you, he still hasn't actually been in a poly dynamic, but is striving for it. And, I'm finding that he's becoming more reclusive, and at the same time just hunting for a third.  Like, giving people job requirements when meeting them of "This is the only role I'm looking for to have someone fill in my life right now" And I looked at everything he was saying, and the issues he's having, and confronted him about them. He wants a local support network.  People close by that he can confide in, and spend time with.  Well, I might think he needs to get rid of his current partner, because that relationship is toxic, and the things he says he wants he refuses to give to his current partner because he doesn't feel happy around her, but maybe meeting more people will help with that. I told him though, that he doesn't need a romantic partner to create a support network.  Some

While Kitty and I were having dinner together, I explained my friendship with Zero.  About how he's a very natural beta type personality, and sees me as his alpha, which is why I'm usually the person with him when he tries going somewhere.  Kitty remarked that he doesn't see me as an alpha type, because I've always acted as a sidekick in his eyes. And with him, yes, I've always been there right next to him helping.  I'm an extra set of hands, because he is motivated, and driven, but sometimes needs that unspoken coordination of a well oiled machine. I strive not to be the alpha who simply marches around wanting to be in charge, but rather one that does what is necessary to build up, and inspire those I care about.  It's not a matter of power exchange, although that can become part of it, but rather a small part of the service which shows that I care about someone. Lux needs someone who can make decisions sometimes.  Someone who will kick him in the butt,

While I was so fortunate as to have an empty house, Lux decided to come down and spend the weekend with me.  I had leveled out from having less exposure to my toxic family, and was now at the point where I needed extra stimulus in a positive manner to help me reset. And it worked.  In spades.  Even if I didn't want Lux to leave as early Sunday morning as he did, I enjoyed having him around so immensely.  We got caught up on the normal goings on, discussed a bit what is going on with folks lately, and all of the Pennsic prep we needed to chat over. We also had a ton of sex, and despite intentions of beating me, we legitimately were unable to find the time for it.  We did however, get to relax on the porch a lot while he got work done, and on Saturday evening Zero came over with games, and we giggled at them until near midnight, listening to the fireworks on all sides of the house. We also talked a lot about why we haven't been as violent lately.  About the stress going on in