Lately, a lot of things haven't been going the best.
The holidays have already been a bit of a mess, as well as all the changes from what I mentioned previously. I'm feeling a bit stagnant in a lot of ways, and it's getting to me, despite knowing I am being productive.
As well, yet another time that I thought I would get to see Lux fell through. There's been a lot of time that I haven't gotten to spend with people for one reason or another, and may friends are busy right now with a ton of different things. It's giving me a huge lack of security in how I feel, constantly. It's making brainbugs kick up again, and I know it's starting to have an effect on my day to day.
And part of it is being an extrovert. While people think extroverts are just loud boisterous people, really it's that we recharge by being with others, regardless of the behavior. It means that this time without others, and especially only around people who constantly tear me down, makes me feel like I'm running on fumes, and always with negative spoons. Top that off with the insecure feelings, and having to remind myself that people give a shit about me at all, and things are difficult on the best of days lately.
I know I always say that I can't be doing the "I'll be happy when" and just find things to be happy about, but right now, I need things to change before I can keep up with that, because finding peace in my day currently is just not in my grasp.
The holidays have already been a bit of a mess, as well as all the changes from what I mentioned previously. I'm feeling a bit stagnant in a lot of ways, and it's getting to me, despite knowing I am being productive.
As well, yet another time that I thought I would get to see Lux fell through. There's been a lot of time that I haven't gotten to spend with people for one reason or another, and may friends are busy right now with a ton of different things. It's giving me a huge lack of security in how I feel, constantly. It's making brainbugs kick up again, and I know it's starting to have an effect on my day to day.
And part of it is being an extrovert. While people think extroverts are just loud boisterous people, really it's that we recharge by being with others, regardless of the behavior. It means that this time without others, and especially only around people who constantly tear me down, makes me feel like I'm running on fumes, and always with negative spoons. Top that off with the insecure feelings, and having to remind myself that people give a shit about me at all, and things are difficult on the best of days lately.
I know I always say that I can't be doing the "I'll be happy when" and just find things to be happy about, but right now, I need things to change before I can keep up with that, because finding peace in my day currently is just not in my grasp.
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