There were many points Lux had to make during the talk we had while he visited. One in particular, which I noticed how hard it was for him to process was how unfair he thinks things are. I could see how difficult it was for him to say that he felt like I had to walk on eggshells with him, and other horrible things.
And had we not been in a restaurant, sitting across from each other, I would have scooped him up in a hug right there.
I have existed in a space where I had to say exactly what someone wanted, even if it wasn't true. To lie about who I was, for the appeasement of someone else.
I have had basic habits taken from me, trying to sneak and rush to have any sense of autonomy.
Even now, I do truly have to balance on egg shells, often stomping down because I'm tired of the abuse with no better treatment even if I make every perfect step.
Having someone trying to grow, and get better is not the same. Mindful language which allows me to still be truthful doesn't take anything from me. Finding ways to help, or showing care in a way we both agree to isn't force.
Likewise, these things being matched with the same level of care, presence, and needs met isn't unfair. It shows that the person is worth that care. Worth that time, because I've seen what that abuse really looks like.
Much like needs and wants, or comparing domination to being domineering, sometimes things like this just need some further context.
And in this context, I am in a space where while I may worry about Lux, I am happy.
And had we not been in a restaurant, sitting across from each other, I would have scooped him up in a hug right there.
I have existed in a space where I had to say exactly what someone wanted, even if it wasn't true. To lie about who I was, for the appeasement of someone else.
I have had basic habits taken from me, trying to sneak and rush to have any sense of autonomy.
Even now, I do truly have to balance on egg shells, often stomping down because I'm tired of the abuse with no better treatment even if I make every perfect step.
Having someone trying to grow, and get better is not the same. Mindful language which allows me to still be truthful doesn't take anything from me. Finding ways to help, or showing care in a way we both agree to isn't force.
Likewise, these things being matched with the same level of care, presence, and needs met isn't unfair. It shows that the person is worth that care. Worth that time, because I've seen what that abuse really looks like.
Much like needs and wants, or comparing domination to being domineering, sometimes things like this just need some further context.
And in this context, I am in a space where while I may worry about Lux, I am happy.
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