Lux decided last minute on the Saturday before the new year that he was actually coming down here. Prior to that, many things had been in the air, and even with him coming down, we still didn't have a plan.
It had been more than four months since I'd seen him, longer than we'd ever been apart for, and that length of distance was absolutely taking a toll on my brain. I worried about what the visit would bring, or if that time apart would mean that we were no longer ok.
He made it down though, and after Oliver demanded many hugs, we finally got to hug and spend some time together. And even though there was so much time, and so much space, everything just fell into stride and comfort in many ways. It was wonderfully centering, just to have that presence.
The next day we moved at a fairly slow pace. We threw around ideas of what to do that day, and opted that instead of going out for breakfast, we would go to one of the places I had wanted to take him for lunch. While off there, which was excellent, I mentioned some friends of ours having a dance show that night, but it often ended late.
He loved the idea, and said that worst case he would just get us a hotel. I mentioned another friend living nearby, and so we made a plan.
It also spawned some serious conversation. Not bad in any way, but hard, and serious, and probably long needed. It helped me know where he's at, and that we'll both need to work on figuring out ways that I can help him. I also hope that it helped on his end that he does not create the difficult situation he thinks he does. As well, that with him, even the distance, and the times that should be shatteringly difficult still aren't as hard as they could be, because we both do truly care.
He told me that he had a pile more of these conversations to have with his other partners. That they were important for him to have in private, and so he would be leaving me home while he went. In the meantime though, we would have a few days together, and I was happy with that, and understood.
So we spent a couple days with friends, feeling a bit awkward, and out of our element. Lux was amused by getting to see me completely understimulated, and becoming more and more antsy as afternoons went on. We eventually headed back to my place on New Year's Eve, with no plans other than simply enjoying time.
We wound up going to be early, not needing to stay up and see the clock turn.
Instead, my last memory of a decade before sleep is of being curled up and holding someone I care about, in a space of making safety and ready to watch things grow in the future.
It had been more than four months since I'd seen him, longer than we'd ever been apart for, and that length of distance was absolutely taking a toll on my brain. I worried about what the visit would bring, or if that time apart would mean that we were no longer ok.
He made it down though, and after Oliver demanded many hugs, we finally got to hug and spend some time together. And even though there was so much time, and so much space, everything just fell into stride and comfort in many ways. It was wonderfully centering, just to have that presence.
The next day we moved at a fairly slow pace. We threw around ideas of what to do that day, and opted that instead of going out for breakfast, we would go to one of the places I had wanted to take him for lunch. While off there, which was excellent, I mentioned some friends of ours having a dance show that night, but it often ended late.
He loved the idea, and said that worst case he would just get us a hotel. I mentioned another friend living nearby, and so we made a plan.
It also spawned some serious conversation. Not bad in any way, but hard, and serious, and probably long needed. It helped me know where he's at, and that we'll both need to work on figuring out ways that I can help him. I also hope that it helped on his end that he does not create the difficult situation he thinks he does. As well, that with him, even the distance, and the times that should be shatteringly difficult still aren't as hard as they could be, because we both do truly care.
He told me that he had a pile more of these conversations to have with his other partners. That they were important for him to have in private, and so he would be leaving me home while he went. In the meantime though, we would have a few days together, and I was happy with that, and understood.
So we spent a couple days with friends, feeling a bit awkward, and out of our element. Lux was amused by getting to see me completely understimulated, and becoming more and more antsy as afternoons went on. We eventually headed back to my place on New Year's Eve, with no plans other than simply enjoying time.
We wound up going to be early, not needing to stay up and see the clock turn.
Instead, my last memory of a decade before sleep is of being curled up and holding someone I care about, in a space of making safety and ready to watch things grow in the future.
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