Maybe Selfish

While already at my limit trying to protect my daughter, and help her feel safe, social media is overrun.  I can't look anywhere without seeing stories about the unjust death of a black man by police hands, and what is happening as a result.  I see people in media being knocked down and arrested for being compliant, in the most gentle of situations.

And it has me afraid, for so many people.  Afraid of lost lives, families torn apart, and homes destroyed due to how the police respond to a request for basic human decency.

I'm afraid for my partner, who I haven't seen in months because of covid, trying to be responsible, and keep everyone safe.  Afraid that I won't ever see him again because as he prepares to move, he'll be walking something over to a dumpster, and the wrong person will drive by, assume he's looting, and attack him.  My partner, the brick wall that he is, can barely defend himself, because that invites him to become the target of police brutality, and I can't be there to protect him instead.

I know he's read that, and it hits like a sledge.  If you aren't him, re-read that.  Do it again.  Read that until you're in tears with how fucked up that situation is.

I am always at least a little afraid that each time I see my partner will be the last, because someone will be so insecure that they fear the existence of him, and feel the need to attack him just for the color of his skin.

And maybe I'm being selfish because my mind goes to wanting to protect the people I care about before a larger concept, but I'm ok with that in this case.  I want to be able to help them feel safe, because that's what they deserve.