Important Obstacles

 I'm writing this because although I knew I had to write earlier, I was a bit compromised.

Friday, my father started a conversation with me.  He asked me something, and because he directly asked me, I couldn't just ignore things and stay quiet in order to not deal with what I knew would be the response.  So I let the conversation move.  And it turned into me trying to explain BLM, white privilege, inherent racism, and a myriad of other things.

On his side, it started with him telling me that because I didn't like Trump, I was the same as people who said they would kill a puppy to get him out of office.  Then moved onto him saying that cops should follow me around places because I look different so I don't belong anywhere.  He then in response to me explaining to him that I deal with things he wouldn't, due to my gender and appearance, said with every bit of condescension you could imagine "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were so oppressed", and later told me that he was mad at me for saying I was oppressed (the entire thing turned into him putting words in my mouth if you can't already tell).  He actually asked me what the difference was in saying he wouldn't go somewhere because he didn't like the service, and refusing to go somewhere because the people were a certain race.  Then said that he didn't see how saying he didn't like someone because of their race was racist, and justified it by working for the department of defense, and that there was a war against them.

He tried to end the conversation by telling me that it didn't matter what I said, because he wasn't going to make any changes because "he is who he is" and he didn't think he was racist, and that he was a good person.  Later in the day, decided that he was mad at me for the conversation, and that I "accused him of being white privilege" which he didn't think he was, so he was insulted.  Because, y'know, someone can be white privilege, and has can have an opinion of it or not.  He also, after weeks of telling everyone that he didn't care who anyone supported in the election, or who they voted for, said that he was mad at me for supporting "Bidden" (since the election turned to where Trump was losing, he suddenly could no longer pronounce his name correctly).  Rather than calling out the hypocritical behavior, I made sure to point out that I never said that I supported anyone, but rather that I didn't like Trump, and that turned into a ton of other things of him trying to tell me that I shouldn't be allowed to have an  opinion, and I made sure to point out that he asked me directly, and that his main argument on anything when I was trying to explain things was that he should be allowed to have an opinion, regardless of whether or not they were things that someone could actually have an opinion on.

He then threatened to kick me out, because apparently he had to feel some sort of superiority in the conversation.  Ma came home, and I gave her a quick heads up before he could talk to her, and apparently he told her the night before that a woman shouldn't be president because women aren't allowed to be leaders in other countries, so it will make us look weak according to him.  She wouldn't let him talk to him Friday night, which should have made me feel better, but instead I was so panicked that he would then take out all of it on me, that I was afraid to leave my bedroom.  

Let me say that one more time for the people in the back.  A grown adult, due to their father's track record and behavior, was afraid to leave their room because of what he may do.

Go ahead and spend a few minutes looking at the levels of fucked up in that.

And as things go on, he just proves me more right.

It's still more important that I had the conversation.  That he now has been told everything.  He can't say that he's uneducated on it, just that he is the problem.