A New Devious Chapter

The other day, I started having a serious conversation with Kitty, and told him that I didn't think I could really get much positive from it until I got my baseline at a better state.  That we're all in a shitty place, and we all need to make these steps to get better, and then start making bigger improvements. Later in the week, I was talking to Lux, and mentioned that I think a beating to catharsis would be good for me.  I also said that I wasn't sure if he was in a place where he would be comfortable beating me to that point.  That I was worried if he were to try, and he pushed himself too much I wouldn't be able to take care of him afterward.  That he wasn't in a state to be able to do that safely, even if he said he can. And, it's a big thing to beat me to that point.  Honestly, I don't think it's ever been managed.  I hold on for too long, unable to relax, and let go, and with too high a pain tolerance for most people to get me there. It'

The other day, I got what I thought was a smart idea.  I'd just google "Thunder thighs" and get to enjoy lots of pictures of men with big pretty legs and cute butts.  It seemed like a great plan, full of awesome rewards. Well, I tried it, and what came up was a ton of images of things like ways to get rid of thunder thighs, ways to slim down legs, and what exercises are necessary to have thin thighs and legs.  To have "sexy legs" and how to get them. Then I looked and saw more showing women who were talking about how strong they were with their thicker legs, and how it was them showing love for themselves, and not needed to find a partner. It very blatantly showed this divide in society for women.  That idea that you can be strong an independent, or thin and attractive, but never can they mix.  And I think that's more media than real life right now. And we know how much I like to follow the suggestions of media. I hate that there is this divide.  T

Someone was talking to me the other day about how she actually kicked her husband's partner out of the house a while ago.  He has had serious health issues for months now, and is unable to drive for a good while longer.  So, his other partner has to come to the house to see him.  Apparently, she was coming by so often to act as a supportive partner that his wife felt like she was "shoved into a co-wife situation" and his partner was acting like she wanted a "mommy dom". Now, this person is bad with people.  Like, she pretty much shuns anyone outside of a handful of people away, and is so closed minded in seriously radical ideas that she shoves most of those away as well.  Having not been there, but knowing her, I'd say she just got tired of having someone else female in the house, and threw a fit. To which, she then told me that she actively wanted to avoid talking to or seeing her metamour, and was only ok with her husband having her around when he

Usually, Kitty and I make time for each other on Mondays.  We spend some amount of the evening  talking, and going on tangents, and being silly.  We still have some problems staying connected and communicating with the distance through the rest of the week, but generally this is pretty reliable time together. The Monday before Valentine's, I got a message from him saying we wouldn't be able to talk, because it was his anniversary with Pyre, and he wanted to go out and celebrate with her.  While I thought to myself that they probably have the worst date for an anniversary ever, I'm never going to stop him from spending time with a partner, or him from celebrating something. It happened to be a particularly bad day unfortunately, and so he was being a bit more present than usual as we talked about several things, including how Pyre absolutely loved the present I made for Kitty.  That he bought her a chain starter kit and some scales so she could play around with learni

Lux decided that with everything going on, he was going to come down and visit on his own decision the weekend before Valentine's Day.  He needed to do it on his own, and for his own peace of mind, instead of things exploding and him being asked to rush down by his mom. Having not seen him since Christmas, I asked if it was possible for us to have some time.  We've both had a lot going on, and probably needed the time together to talk and hang out and be present for each other. Well, we didn't quite get the amount of time we wanted, but I know it helped me a lot.  We didn't do anything special, but there were lots of little gestures that reminded me how much he cares, and set a lot of things straight in my head.  He also needed to talk about a lot of serious things going on in his own brain, and how messed up he is right now, and some little conflicts in personality we have.  I assured him that while yes things we going on, and that we both wanted some different thi

A lot has been going on in the last few weeks.  Some of it will finally start calming down, and others are going to continue creating anxiety. Things at home are worse than ever.  The gnome has just started making empty promises and not telling me he's breaking them, so I've lost out on plans, and means I'm getting very little time out with anyone.  This is even more heavily changed by the fact that he is seeing the beast during the week, which means her entire schedule during school is getting fucked with.  My parents have just decided t completely ignore me as a person unless they're telling me I'm stupid or worthless because I'm either trying to point something out, or have a different opinion than they do. I've gone through a lot of my clothes to start dressing in a way that makes me feel more like me, as well as cracking down on my diet, and working out more.  I will find a way to stop hating my body this year, and stop the anxiety attacks that my d

It's Valentine's Day soon, and I have very mixed feeling this year. I'm feeling incredibly lonely lately, and my mental state is much lower than it has been in a while.  It's been a long time since I've had any chance to decompress, and longer since I've had real time with my partners to just enjoy them.  At the same time, I've been doing as much as I can to help them, as they both have massive stressful things going on, and need presence in whatever ways I can provide. At the same time, I've pushed aside all the commercial bullshit of this holiday.  If it isn't obvious, I don't need a holiday to show people affection, but it gives me an excuse, and a desire to do a ton of little cute and fun things for everyone I care about.  No pressure of grand things, or feeling of obligation.  However, I want everyone, from just friends, to partners, to feel cared about, because that's incredibly important. I've decided that holidays aren't