A New Devious Chapter

Since the weather has been nicer lately, especially for being knee deep in winter, we all decided it would be a good idea to get Oliver's pass for the dog parks in the area early in the year.  This way we could utilize nice days with letting him run about off leash, meet other dogs, and be social. Except not when it's rainy because he wants nothing to do with even the slightest drizzle. Anyway, while on the way to pick up his pass, just heading down some back roads, the idea pops into my head of finding some boy to choke. Unprompted, and out of nowhere, I found my sadist perking up with a vengeance.  The intense craving to find a nice sweet boy, pin him to the wall by his throat, and beat the shit out of him.  The weirdest part is that it wasn't only a nonsexual craving, which is very uncommon for me.  Normally all of my topping, and most of my play in general is incredibly nonsexual. That might be because of the long dry spells I've been having. Either way, i

There's a new game coming out in a week or so.  One I had heard about, and initially, I had actually sent over to Lux because it sounded funny.  It's a game about trying to pick up women, and I thought it would be a full comedy type thing similar to the old Leisure Suit Larry games which I have loved for far longer than would probably be appropriate. However, then I found out the creator is making this as a serious advice tool, and has written books, and teaches workshops on pick up artistry. As a side note, because my view on this is probably obvious, I tweeted about how this will likely have a poor effect on gamer culture as a whole, and push away female gamers and nerds even more than they already are.  The creator of the game liked my tweet.  Pretty sure he's too dumb to realize what his game is going to do. Back on topic, I saw footage of the first four levels of the game.  And rather than finding it funny, I just found it more and more infuriating.  It tries to

I'm reminded fairly often, but even more this week how my appearance affects how I will exist as a dancer. I often see pictures of a dancer who started shortly after I began learning.  Her teacher wasn't certified with anyone, and had poor technique.  They had a small vocabulary, and every set they do is repetitive, and sloppily executed.  Over time, her technique has stayed in a way where she tries more to look sexy than show skill, and winds up looking like she's throwing her body around. She however has long blond hair, and big tits, and looks like a stereotypical american cabaret dancer. Meanwhile, I work my ass off to keep up strong technique, understanding of moves, and as broad a spectrum of styles and variations as possible.  I know my body will only do what I want it to do, without having the throw other parts of my body to make those moves look bigger.  I dance not to look sexy, but as self expression. And because I do that, with small tits, a mohawk, and

Recently, the game Catherine has been stuck in my head.  It's something that covers the idea of relationships in modern Japanese culture, communication, and morality. The game flat out asks your opinion at regular intervals on various subjects pertaining to relationships. And, I find that it becomes really hard to figure out how I would answer these questions, because they very much bank on the idea of monogamy.  That textbook cookie cutter relationship idea that is the standard in Japan. Even as a nerd, I have difficulties due to non-monogamy. Luckily, the game is being remade, and set to come out in the next year or so.  Maybe then it'll have more aspects of polyamoury in it, which I think will even add further complexities to the game overall. Either that or from now on I just need to tell everyone to fuck off in the game, because they're honestly all lying bitches. Yup, that sounds like the best idea. No bitches trying to corner me into what they want by l

I made the mistake of looking at an article on the internet. It talked about all the things that should happen in a healthy relationship, and, I found it angered me more than anything.  It made claims that were so unrealistic, I knew it would do more harm than good to the world. It talked about how when you have the right partner, there is no work, and you never disagree.  That you never get nervous or second guess yourself. All relationships take work.  Every single one of them.  Constant work, through good times, and through bad.  And in those bad times, while we process things, it's normal to worry about your partner and how they're doing, or what you can do to help.  It's going to be harder than others at some points, but it's never effortless. Not only that, but no two people are exactly the same in every way.  There's going to be some things people disagree on.  That's what makes us all unique and dynamic beings.  Looking at it and being open to di

Lux came down last weekend so we could have time together before he gets sent off for work again.  We hadn't seen each other in almost two months, and we didn't want to add at least another month to that. Needless to say, he and the pup got along well, and they snuggled a ton.  In fact, when he went to leave, Oliver tried to sit on his feet to keep him here.  They were adorable. We had a ton of stuff we wanted to do and talk about and all that.  Things to discuss for the year, and start plotting.  Of course, we did none of that.  We snuggled, and babbled, and took time to just not be doing.  Because in a way, that was what we needed. And I noticed, just how bad my mental space is.  I was with someone who brings me so much happiness, and I found very little peace just being there with him.  That I'd hit an almost numb state. Which just means working harder and doing more to break out of it. Shit to be done.  Happiness to make.

I've noticed more and more lately, that in the midst of my mind slowly getting back to normal I'm finally wanting play and kink again.  I want forceful play for the fun of it, and to enjoy the time with people.  I want more opportunity to do the things that bring me mental peace, and help me clear my head. And I notice that in the last few days, I want very possessive power exchange.  Less of the passive exchange we're used to, which is rarely brought up unless attached to an action.  More active emphasis on the dynamic, control, and ownership. It's rather unsurprising honestly.  I've been feeling rather alone lately, and barely having contact with others, or a positive influence.  In my day to day, I have several people telling me negative abusive things, and while I don't believe them, I don't have much if anything telling me otherwise. I'm craving something to make me feel wanted.  Something to make me feel like I make a positive impact, and lik