A New Devious Chapter

 As of last weekend, my covid vaccine is cooked and in effect.  I'm now feeling ready to go and do some more things that haven't been safe for the last year plus, while still being careful to protect everyone else.  I'm looking forward to soon seeing some people I've missed, and having more options in front of me to be able to hug friends again. I'm looking forward to finding out when Squishy will be able to get her vaccine, and we are both hoping she'll be able to get at least one shot before the next school year begins.  She's been feeling a little disappointed about not being able to get vaccinated herself, which I appreciate.  While my parents may not take any of this seriously, even still, she finally has been on quite a few things, which is good. Likewise, with my father being in the hospital, he was told that he wasn't in good enough shape to get the vaccine right away.  This week he is supposed to meet with his doctor, and he'll find out if h

 There's a lot of ways to go about being poly.  The process of having multiple partners means that you have an infinite number of factors to try and go about in a way that makes everyone happy.  While there's certainly some ways that are wrong to go about it, there's no one way that's exactly right. It was a good while back now, but it had me thinking about the idea of hierarchical poly.  Giving one partner a position and title different from another, changing levels of priority and expectation between them.  And while it's certainly not wrong, there are some people that don't like it, because they don't like that level of comparison or feeling less than anyone else. But, I think that those places will sort of happen with any polycule over time.  The demands of our lives are different, and so we seek varying things from each of our partners.  Trying to give each person the time and focus of a primary partner would take every bit of our days, leaving no time

 Sometimes, I have thoughts that pop into my head that no matter where I look, can't find what brought it on.  My mind then explores it, and tries to take it apart, and I wind up in a weird sort of space where I question a lot of things. And one night, I was contemplating gender, and what can affect it.  More specifically, our closed ideas of gender roles.  From the moment most people are born, they're told how to look, what to think, what to enjoy and how to behave purely by the genitals they have.  They're put in boxes with labels and requirements that we press on them, creating expectations that may not have anything to do with who a person is, or even healthy behaviors. It's why we have the insecure concepts of fragile toxic masculinity, like my brother refusing to use a lip balm, even if his lips were bleeding, because it might be mistaken as makeup and feminine.  Which got me thinking, if we weren't forcing thoughts on kids, and these specific ideas of what a

 While I tend to have ebbs and flows with all things, given the somewhat vast spectrum of things I enjoy, I come back to anime and manga a lot, and stick to them for a while when I do.  And lately, I've had another kick of it, going in to watch some things, and read some others. And even though I'm picking up both, I somehow wound up drawn to some of the darkest of each.  Things that focus on despair, revenge, torture, and various other things, all with sex thrown in. I had seen reviews on all of these things, and listened to people go on about how they were all so horrific in their content.  People spoke on how these things would affect them forever, and were absolutely sickening. Naturally, I wanted to see them, because I like dark things, and have a pretty high tolerance. For the most part, upon taking these things in, I found them rather benign.  The anime I actually recommended to Lux because he would find it hot, and I would too if I wasn't the most demisexual ever. 

 I had a moment on the way to my vaccine appointment that should have been telling of what would happen in the days after.  Time that showed me exactly why I feel the way I do about my parents. While sitting in the car, she's telling me about some of her customers from that morning, and earlier in the week.  At one point she tries to make something sound like a scandal, as she tells me about one woman, whose daughter at fourteen said that she had a boyfriend and wanted to go onto birth control.  I think she expected me to be aghast, and beside myself in disgust, but I was rather unaffected. I told her that it was a good thing that she felt comfortable going to her mother to ask for birth control.  Mentioned that she may not actually be doing anything yet, but that it could be very responsible of her to want to go onto something now, rather than once she's already having sex.   I also mentioned that she may have other reasons for asking, and reminded her about how I asked her to

 This was supposed to be a happy post that came out last week.  Writing about being excited, doing something important, and getting to do things that would help bring back some sense of normalcy. But, y'know, with my family we couldn't possibly have that. On March 23rd I managed to get myself an appointment for the covid vaccine.  Not the easiest feat where I am, but got one near my home, and after booking mine, actually managed to book one for a nearby time for my mother.  Half the house starting to get vaccinated, all in one swoop.  Squishy was practically vibrating from happiness, and I was elated.  Honestly, just having an appointment hit me incredibly hard. And even though I spent a month trying to get an appointment, showing excitement and relief from the chance at finally getting my vaccine, my mother was acting like this was an annoyance.  Like a horrible obligation that she didn't want to deal with, when she works with the public on a daily basis.  Her lack of care

 Squishy is definitely the type of person that winds up with a crush on every person that gives her attention (something I will need to talk to her more about as she gets older).  She's had a few that have stuck around in her mind, and I've had to teach her how to not make things awkward or difficult for the other person, because her feeling have yet to be returned by anyone.  I think she has trouble figuring out the difference between a squish and a crush, but that's a thing that everyone needs to learn over time. It's been a few years since she also realized that she likes girls, and is quite comfortable with that part of herself luckily.  Since then, she's had two more long standing crushes on girls in her school, and something that I noticed more recently is that they both happen to be people of color.   Normally, I would just be happy that she isn't pigeonholing herself into just dating white people, and I can tell by how she talks to and about them that sh