Bugs

Overall, my trip up to see Lux was good.  We were busy in many ways, and there was a lot of difficult things going on.  It meant that in general it wasn't the most relaxing trip we've ever had, and that we didn't get through some of the things we had intended to do.  It was good to have that time though, and I'm still glad we got to have the week together.

Near the end of the week though, I had to deal with some stuff that was far more difficult than Lux had expected it to be for me.  I couldn't talk about it at the moment because I just didn't have the words, and it has hard for me to bring up afterwards.

A situation that makes me feel helpless.  Like there's too many things counting against me.  It makes me feel like a burden, even though I know I'm not.  Like I'm not worth having around due to how difficult I make things.

And I know all that isn't true, but it doesn't keep the thoughts from living in my mind.

There are times, when even for how mentally strong I am against so many things, I wind up with these things that cause brain bugs to keep up, and they shatter me.

I am lucky to have a patient partner.  Someone who can deal with those times when I need to curl up and cry when the words can't be made.  Things I should have shared with him before typing this, but it's hard enough to type this here once, let alone telling him directly as well.

We can't all be strong all the time.