A bit over a week ago, I woke up and checked my social medias to find that a youtuber was announcing his divorce. I told Lux, and we said we felt badly that it was happening, and went to move on.
And then. Oh then.
Where he had simply posted that note, his now ex had gone on to tell the whole story. He had cheated on his wife with someone he was regularly working with, sending nudes to underage fans, and using that implied imbalance of power to coerce fans both of age and underage into sending him nude photos or various explicit conversation.
Needless to say, we are no longer fans of his.
And this bothered Lux a lot, to where he wondered if this needed to be handled more quietly than it was. I told him that because this had to do with fans, it needed to be public, because he is now a safety risk at conventions or panels. This isn't for the defamation aspects, but to keep him from continuing these behaviors with people who aren't mature enough to be responsible under that pressure.
Lux also talked about how he could never be a public figure. And while I can see where he's coming from, I don't think it's all that much of a worry for us. Polyamory and open relationships are far more common in geek spaces, and because we practice very informed, consenting, and negotiated kink, that isn't a very worrisome thing. This isn't a case where there are secrets, or cheating, or coercion, and that's what makes this so bad.
We may not be practicing the cookie cutter idea of partnership, but we do so in a far more healthy fashion than most.
And then. Oh then.
Where he had simply posted that note, his now ex had gone on to tell the whole story. He had cheated on his wife with someone he was regularly working with, sending nudes to underage fans, and using that implied imbalance of power to coerce fans both of age and underage into sending him nude photos or various explicit conversation.
Needless to say, we are no longer fans of his.
And this bothered Lux a lot, to where he wondered if this needed to be handled more quietly than it was. I told him that because this had to do with fans, it needed to be public, because he is now a safety risk at conventions or panels. This isn't for the defamation aspects, but to keep him from continuing these behaviors with people who aren't mature enough to be responsible under that pressure.
Lux also talked about how he could never be a public figure. And while I can see where he's coming from, I don't think it's all that much of a worry for us. Polyamory and open relationships are far more common in geek spaces, and because we practice very informed, consenting, and negotiated kink, that isn't a very worrisome thing. This isn't a case where there are secrets, or cheating, or coercion, and that's what makes this so bad.
We may not be practicing the cookie cutter idea of partnership, but we do so in a far more healthy fashion than most.
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