As you can imagine, there was a lot after camp, some of which was simply things floating around in my brain.
In the first couple of days back home, there was a lot being tossed around in my head. After topping again, it kickstarted that part of my brain again, and hard. Thinking about much more fun I had during that, than the impact scene I had with a friend. About the new people I met and wanting to indulge in my sadist with them too. Wanting to hit the point with someone where I have domly power exchange.
It was a very odd part of my brain, where for a moment, I questioned being a switch. Wondered if I was just a top with a high pain tolerance. It was a weird point to process and think on, and something I hadn't thought about for a long time.
And then I remembered those moments where I sat at Lux's feet, and felt his hands through my hair. Those moments of happily acknowledging my place with him, and the power exchange we've built. The safe floaty feelings I get after we play, and how even when we're trying to be more serious, there's a focus on us having fun.
My mind settled. No longer did I hop around on those questions of what I am. I felt happy with being a slave, and having what I do now. I felt no need to pursue other dynamics, as I remembered how fulfilled I am with what I have.
I'm not going to turn down something that let's me embrace my sadist, top or domlydom if it arises. It's certainly a part of me. This was just that reminder that I am the top leaning switch I've always been.
In the first couple of days back home, there was a lot being tossed around in my head. After topping again, it kickstarted that part of my brain again, and hard. Thinking about much more fun I had during that, than the impact scene I had with a friend. About the new people I met and wanting to indulge in my sadist with them too. Wanting to hit the point with someone where I have domly power exchange.
It was a very odd part of my brain, where for a moment, I questioned being a switch. Wondered if I was just a top with a high pain tolerance. It was a weird point to process and think on, and something I hadn't thought about for a long time.
And then I remembered those moments where I sat at Lux's feet, and felt his hands through my hair. Those moments of happily acknowledging my place with him, and the power exchange we've built. The safe floaty feelings I get after we play, and how even when we're trying to be more serious, there's a focus on us having fun.
My mind settled. No longer did I hop around on those questions of what I am. I felt happy with being a slave, and having what I do now. I felt no need to pursue other dynamics, as I remembered how fulfilled I am with what I have.
I'm not going to turn down something that let's me embrace my sadist, top or domlydom if it arises. It's certainly a part of me. This was just that reminder that I am the top leaning switch I've always been.
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