Lately, there's a lot of talk about weddings and such happening. Friends getting engaged, already being married, or about to have a wedding. There's just a ton of it.
Meanwhile, I've been with both of my partners long enough that we've seen people meet, get married, and divorced. Seen relationships rise and fall, and people grow apart. Luckily, people have stopped bothering me about the state of things with my partners and relationships.
It has me thinking a lot lately on how much pressure we put on being married. That as someone female, this, and having a child are the two most celebrated and expected things that can happen. Things that aren't even necessarily the accomplishments of that person, but with someone else as well. That this cookie cutter life escalator just leads to the celebration of involving others in our lives.
And yes, finding someone who wants to deal with you forever is worth celebrating, but not in the same way at which we do. People shouldn't start a life together with the obligation of creating great debt, or elaborate spectacle for the sake of social ideals. And for that matter, actual marriage should be considered what it is, a document to make a handful of legal things easier. Not some romantic fairytale situation.
We should put more celebration on other big events. Make registries when buying our first house. Have a big dinner when someone becomes debt free. Throw a massive party when finishing grad school, because we all know they had no social life during that process.
Let us celebrate true accomplishment, based on ourselves and our lives. And let us get married as something we do simply to make a legal decision, and consider it as a step to make some aspects of life simpler. Let's move off this escalator, and outside of this cookie cutter, and build our own shape.
Meanwhile, I've been with both of my partners long enough that we've seen people meet, get married, and divorced. Seen relationships rise and fall, and people grow apart. Luckily, people have stopped bothering me about the state of things with my partners and relationships.
It has me thinking a lot lately on how much pressure we put on being married. That as someone female, this, and having a child are the two most celebrated and expected things that can happen. Things that aren't even necessarily the accomplishments of that person, but with someone else as well. That this cookie cutter life escalator just leads to the celebration of involving others in our lives.
And yes, finding someone who wants to deal with you forever is worth celebrating, but not in the same way at which we do. People shouldn't start a life together with the obligation of creating great debt, or elaborate spectacle for the sake of social ideals. And for that matter, actual marriage should be considered what it is, a document to make a handful of legal things easier. Not some romantic fairytale situation.
We should put more celebration on other big events. Make registries when buying our first house. Have a big dinner when someone becomes debt free. Throw a massive party when finishing grad school, because we all know they had no social life during that process.
Let us celebrate true accomplishment, based on ourselves and our lives. And let us get married as something we do simply to make a legal decision, and consider it as a step to make some aspects of life simpler. Let's move off this escalator, and outside of this cookie cutter, and build our own shape.
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