Moving to Encourage

I've noticed myself pointing out a ton of the red flags in many of the relationships I see lately.  Friends who have partners that I'm not terribly fond of, because even in front of others I see behaviors that aren't healthy long term.

What I haven't been doing though, is looking at and considering the green flags that occur in relationships, including my own.  Those things that point out healthy dynamics, and help create strong, happy bonds.

So, instead of the things I avoid or run from, a short list of things that me feel closer to a person:

• Remembering little details or preferences.  As much as I enjoy variety, I can be pretty predictable when people pay attention.
• Listening to me, completely.  I'm generally careful about my words, especially when speaking, and even asking a line of questions to move a thought along can help me process something while someone listens.
• Sharing little details.  I like learning about people, and feeling like I'm worth trusting.
• Open, transparent communication.  Even in regards to kink, I like hearing about things I don't necessarily enjoy.  Maybe don't target me with those thoughts, but I still like hearing about it in the abstract.
• Celebrating my weirdness.  I don't fit into many boxes terribly well, but I'm happy with that, and I like seeing the weird, unique parts of others as well.
• Letting me know when you think of me, even if only once in a while.  Tiny things that remind you of me, or things that you know I'd appreciate.  Knowing I pop up in your mind, and when I agree with the reason is incredibly affirming.

There are so many little things that can help to create a stronger bond, and I think in a space where we talk about negative things to look out for so often, I need to spend more time looking at those positive ones.