The last month or so has not been the easiest, for anything. Squishy has given me no breaks in her behavior. My parents are being their normal difficult selves, as well as finally realizing things that I've brought up to them multiple times. I've had some things crawling around in my brain that are important, but still hard, and even with doing things to help my mental state, the thoughts have stuck around, or been proven even more true.
Things have been challenging for everyone lately, and so while trying to be understanding of them, and not dump onto them, I feel worse because I can't do anything helpful either.
I've realized I'm craving just the chance to relax. At all. The few times Squishy has been gone I've been in such a garbage space that I can't let myself relax, and I don't have the space to reset at all, because most of my stress is still right here. At the same time, because so much is going on with everyone, I'm not getting time to even really talk to others and process in a way that doesn't spin into overthinking.
Touch starvation is a very real thing, and I'm dealing with that in a very serious way, but I'm wanting it in a way that lets me actually relax. Time to just lay on the couch with someone, having comfortable quiet. Time to be curled up and silly, letting ideas roll that push everything aside, letting things turn to better perspective, while giggling at whatever thoughts turn into.
I'm starved for relaxation, in that anxious way where self-soothing can have the opposite effect.
One more thing to come from a pandemic.
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