I saw something on Fet a week or so ago. A writing that talked about submission, and how it's great when someone is doing things they're happy about, but that submission really matters when you're doing something you didn't want to.
As I read it, I hated it. It tried to seem respectful of consent, but turned victim-blamey, and encouraged those no limits types of power exchange that aren't healthy in any frame.
I got angry at it, upset with how popular the writing was. It wasn't meant to be hot, but an actual point of view, and it was getting people agreeing with it to a point where I couldn't help but be off put.
Submission isn't giving up consent, ever. If you just don't share something earlier, it doesn't mean the domly person is entitled to something else. The only time that this is ok is in a highly negotiated situation, where time is invested, and an immense trust has been built.
Where submission counts extra, is when it happens naturally. Without the tight grip, and active voice of dominance. Not mind reading, but just remembering the little details, and keeping up with them, when the power exchange isn't the main focus of things. Knowing how to adjust, and do things to care for a domly dom amidst real life, when they can't actively control.
Submission doesn't mean always having power be taken. Sometimes it's the subtle actions of handing it over. Creating a reminder that even without the constant aspects of dominance, the submission is still earned and present.
Happy submission, where it is given because someone wants to, in every action, is where submission counts. That shows so much more, as it means the dominant has created a space where the submissive feels comfortable and safe, and enjoys what they're doing.
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