Squishy going back to school, and doing so remotely hasn't been terribly smooth. We've had trouble almost every week with one thing or another, but luckily, most of those things were able to be fixed. She's also on a device provided by the school, so they have software that allows her teachers and the staff to see what she's doing, and either close things, send messages, or even block things in order to keep the kids on task.
Last week though, after she was done with class, and as we were finishing up lunch, I got a voicemail from the vice principal of the school. As I went to call him back, I got a call from my mother, as they had also contacted her. Apparently she'd spent the day, on her school chromebook, on the day the class got access back to youtube, watching videos when she was supposed to be paying attention to school. Worse yet, was that those videos all were entirely inappropriate content for her age anyway, not to mention to look at on a school device.
After the last six months, she had made no progress. Hadn't learned a single thing, and made no effort to change her behaviors. At the first chance of doing something, she would ignore what should be done, and just do whatever fancied her in the moment. It has me completely in disbelief of what she had tried to tell me was the reason for her behavior in the spring. I was seething for the entirety of the day, and on the verge of an anxiety attack for hours.
I had many talks with her. On all manner of subjects to explain how serious the consequences of these actions could be. How the school would respond if that continued, how it had started to have a physical effect on my health. How both of her parents no longer could trust a single thing she said, and that she had to work to earn any level of trust again. She tried distraction tactics. She tried to redirect me, and I wouldn't let her. I had to make her realize that I wasn't going to leave trying to make her know exactly how much she'd messed up in the last six months.
I'm still not completely calm again yet. Always feeling like I have to be hyper-aware, and ready to find her doing something, just like I was in the spring. My back feels like it did before I had cupping done in June, because my stress levels are so high again.
I literally can't deal with this for another full school year. I know I'm going to have to not only work to try and get her to behave better at all, but also for any manner of consistency from other people who should provide authority. I know that this will result in me being gaslit for not making excuses for her actions, and just letting her do whatever she wants.
Change has to happen. It has to. My brain and my body won't be able to deal with more of what I was fighting through.
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