A New Devious Chapter

I've had several reminders lately about just how many places I have touched on, and how many things I've done. Apparently, I happen to have done way more interesting things than the vast majority of people. It's always so weird to me when others only have a couple of interests, or a single circle of people they see.  To bottleneck themselves into a small segment of the world. Then they see how I know people in all corners of the world, and at all different things.  They welcome me happily, rather than simply short meetings.  That I share stories and time with all these people, and have done things with all of them.  Having built connections on various levels. And then I talk to people who have more mundane lives.  The standard vanilla day to day, content with that and not much else.  I talk about the things I've done like they're nothing special. Scaring people by chasing them with a chainsaw at a haunted house. Doing escapism for a freak show. Dancing

On top of feeling better mentally, I've been able to keep up with a lot of things right now. I've finished reading most of my pile of books, and need to invade a book store to pick up a new pile.  Finishing books always makes me feel good. I've finished drawing both a smaller coloring book, as well as drawing and publishing the Pennsic one.  I'm so ahead that I'm actually able to take a couple weeks off of drawing to do lots of cleaning and digging out of my closets and such. A couple of other small projects have gotten made, which made some friends happy. Finally, I got around to opening a kofi page, which I've been posting to somewhat regularly. With everything going on lately, I actually picked up a planner to try keep track of everything I have happening and what I'm constantly doing. Halloween is exploding in the house, and there's a ton to balance. There's going to be a lot to do in the coming weeks, especially with everything pla

With everything going on after Pennsic, I took a week mostly to recover and clean up before telling myself that I had to get back to work on all the things I had intended to make while camping but didn't. And what I couple of weeks it's been for productivity. I finished and published one book, which people have been enjoying.  I made two things a friend asked for, a gift for Squishy's friend who has a birthday coming up, and started a new "modest" scarf for myself.  Oh, and something for Squishy too. I've been getting Squishy ready for school, hunt down things she needed, and get her on schedule. All the classes I want to put together have gone into the beginning assembly phases. Another coloring book is about three quarters of the way done. I've also looked into more methods of making money off my art, to really try and turn this into a career. There was also one day when I got a huge kick in ass about the possibility to not be able publish

This weekend we leave for Pennsic! I have to say, this one has been hard to prep for.  It's been a project to pack, and get organized.  I've had adventures get in the way, and plans in flux that made things difficult. However, I'm excited to teach, and wander around, and work on new things, and see people, and a thousand other things. I've done a lot in the last month to get ready, including helping Lux get organized amongst everything going on.  Which, that's been a thing as well.  I've been trying to stay present for him while he's getting used to a new job, and needs more contact with people.  It's been a lot of sewing, and yarn work, and crochet, and drawing, and packing, and organizing and a ton of other things to get here. But this will be a very different Pennsic for us.  Just like the rest of summer, which has had a lot of new things and firsts for us. It's time for an adventure!

I'm on the way to Fusion today! I'll be teaching two classes, and playing with others, and spending time with Lux.  I'll also be performing, helping the fire team, and exploring. I've been spending a lot of time putting together classes, and music, and packing, and prepping.  That's not all that's gone on in the last couple weeks for me though.  I published two new coloring books!  They're both out, and I have the groundwork set to start a few new ones over the summer. I also got a new prompt journal that plays with a fun writing exercise to publish as soon as I'm home.  I started playing more with how I work out every day, because time is still a little wonky unfortunately. There's also been some other things that you'll hear about soon. It's been a productive month.  I'm feeling like I have better support, and good people around.  I'm feeling like I'm doing more, and even if this isn't something huge, I'm

I let myself have a good week or so to get lax on things.  My period hit, and with it came its normal lazy feeling.  It's always hard to get back into stride after that, and I need to stop letting myself listen to that. But this week is a lot of trying to manage time better and get more done. I've started digging into the next coloring book, and have a friend looking through for photos to use for another.  I'm occasionally getting ideas for the next prompt journal, and making a list of things for a cookbook as well. Diving into so many things, and they're all making some form of progress. I'm trying to push myself to dance more along with my workouts.  Get into better shape for Fusion and Pennsic and the summer overall. Which, my classes have been approved for Pennsic, and for Fusion as well, and I'm looking forward to those.  I've made up my insanely short hand class notes, which at the very least help keep me on task. Not where I want to be, bu

I'm so fucking excited.  Drawing has always been a hobby of mine.  My walls have always been covered in art, and while I know I'm too hard on myself, people always tell me that my art is good.  While drawing was something I loved, I always told myself that if I turned it into a job, it would stop being something I loved, something fun, something I could relax with.  I was so afraid that it would just become work, and become draining. Well, with the shit my family pushes on me, and general situations over time, even with some small opportunity I'd had things taken from me, been put into impossible situations, and learned to hate the idea of asking for anything, because empty promises became my normal. Apparently at some point self publishing became really easy though.  And something it only took your own initiative to do. And fuck all if I don't have the drive to try something to get past where I am. And so after falling into probably some of the darkest mental

The other day I managed to hit a point that took me way too long to get to.  I finally finished drawing all the pages for what will be a published coloring book (still need to do the last bits, but the hard part is done!).   And seeing myself get the sketch done on that last page, I felt myself wanting to keep going.  Get the inking done, and pictures scanned and cleaned, and get it available for the public.  To get to move onto the next one, just to see if I can get that done faster, and have it look even better. It was a great motivator for me.  I'm still not getting everything done day to day that I want to, but I'm feeling drive to do more, instead of having to tell myself.  Drive to do more for people.  To take on more projects, and complete things I have in mind. I'm the kind of person that has trouble getting started until I feel progress.  And once I do have that sense that I'm actually getting somewhere, I'll plow through. I'm building my

I finished a massive project about a week ago. Like, lace tablecloth size project. And I feel like it helped kick me in the ass to want to work on more things. I have a few things I want to get to, but I also have projects that got put down earlier in the year.  Things I had a lot of drive for before I wound up in such a shitty rut for a good while. And while I may have first said I would pick them back up in the beginning of the year, now that I'm through a small pile of projects, I feel like I should just do it now.  Tackle what I can and see what I can get through. I need to cultivate more creativity in my life.  I need to create more in order to feel more inspired, and that will make me feel better and more motivated overall.

Lux came by the night before my birthday, because we hadn't seen each other in so long.  We didn't get to go out, but at least got a couple hours to hang out and snuggle, which we both needed. It also meant I got to give him his birthday present, which was a heavy as hell flogger with monkey fists at the end of each fall.  He'd mentioned wanting one in the past, and so I of course put way more thought than necessary into every step, and it wound up with a ton of detail. And, being me, and not doing nearly as many projects as normal because of my mental state, was beyond overly critical about it.  He loved it though.  He kept checking it out, and thanking me, and saying he was going to kill people with it. It reminded me of how I function so much better when I'm making something.  That I'm someone who feels fulfilled with creating, and having projects to look forward to. I'm a builder, and a creator, and someone who needs to be constantly learning and exp

Because I want to try to focus on the positive more, I feel like the most important thing is to remind yourself to find joy in the smaller things, and use that to bring light to the shitty situations, instead of only surrounding yourself with negative.  And so, I feel like thinking about all the little things that make me super happy. a good cup of coffee a cigar after a long productive day successfully doing something new for the first time seeing a finished project long car rides in spring fresh fruit smelling something cooking in the oven a piece of really good dark chocolate snuggling up and watching someone play video games sitting down with a puzzle having winding conversations that wind up being silly discussing science and logic going on an adventure sitting in front of a fire running around with friends dancing around to fast music listening to fun music and singing far too loudly walking through old books stores making food for, and taking care of loved

I finally got to the post office last week to send off the box of things for Kitty and everyone in the house down in Florida.  After I very impatiently waited for the two days it took to get there, I got to enjoy all the happy messages from all of them, snuggling their new things, and flailing with them, and having them oogle everything.  I was so happy that everyone found joy in the little things I made, and that it brought peace and happiness to house that has had a lot of anxiety all around lately. Afterward, I was talking with Kitty in the moments before he wound up falling asleep on the couch.  I reminded him to enjoy the happiness of the house today, and use it as time to relax and reset.  Apparently, his anxiety was so high, he hadn't even thought of that, and thanked me for the reminder.  I joked that it was part of my job, and something I had signed on for a long time ago.  That he had dealt with so much of my shit long ago that he didn't have to worry about things n

This year may be ending on a sour note, but more on that later.  In the meantime, I want to try and push more positivity by looking at everything I want the new year to bring. In the next year I want to: Dance somewhere new Finally get into a scorpion pose Spend way more time on an endorphin high Try something new Play around with a new coloring book Be around friends and partners more Go on adventures Continue growing beyond all the shit in my life Try to be as healthy and supportive as possible Become happy with my body That's a hell of a list.  Let's see if I manage.

Along with all the normal holiday stress, this year also brings about the cookiepocalypse, and making a ton of gifts for people. This year the cookiepocalypse happens to be a little smaller than normal.  I was initially told to barely make any, and when I pointed out how little it would be, I then said I would be making more, and it was understood.  The house is full of a ton of cookies, but unfortunately, there's been very little healthy stuff in the house as well, which has been turning my mood to garbage. I have also put together a whole box of stuff for Kitty, and the house down there.  I need to remember to mail it, and at this point it likely won't make it for Christmas, but it will make it there eventually.  I think it's all stuff they will enjoy, and can't wait for them to see everything. I've made some super cool stuff for Lux, and it's been really hard to keep it a secret.  I'm looking forward to spending time with him over the holidays, and

When I was in elementary school, I wound up helping the class more often than I was just a student.  I learned concepts more quickly than my teachers could get through the material for the rest of the class to keep up, and so I would help catch the other students up, and give the teachers a hand, as their way of giving me extra work to do.  Some of the kids developed animosity toward me for obvious reasons, but a lot of the kids liked having me basically teach them mini-classes, and getting to talk while explaining things in ways the books didn't, which made it easier for them to understand. In High School, if you'd asked me what I wanted to do, if it wasn't some special effects makeup and animatronics, I would say teaching senior english.  I liked the idea of being able to talk about serious topics, and having mature conversations about what was going on, with complex thoughts and ideas in books.  While covering the books I needed to, I wanted to inspire ideas in other p

Lux comes back from travelling this weekend, and I couldn't be happier about it.  Sure, he lives further away than I'd like him to all the time, but after a few days, I was done with the time difference.  Him being six hours later meant we got no real time together.  I woke up when he was halfway through his work day, and when he was getting out of work it was close to when the beast gets home from school.  By the time he's going to bed, I'm not even at the point of making dinner, and it's just too much of a difference for us to really spend much time.  I'll be very happy for us both to be back to a very similar time table, and can't wait to see him again as well.  I even made him some little toys to play with. In less than a week I see Kitty again, and I am made of excitement.  I am super happy to get to spend time with him, regardless of what we're doing, and really am just looking forward to having solid time together.  We've both had a lot goin

I'm writing this because I'm forcing myself to give my hands a break. Yes, this sounds strange because I am still using my hands to type.  But this is fine for them as far as I know today. Lately, I've been running hard to finish the projects I have.  Crocheting in whatever time I have to make a ton of pieces, then stitching them together to build one of the coolest comforters I've ever put together.  It's massive, and almost done, but with the little bit of force it takes to get the yarn needle through everything over and again, and the speed I've been going at, the muscle in the thumbs are sore as hell.  It's like after leg day, but for my hands. And it's been an odd day.  At first I used the time to do some cleaning and chores, and waiting for Squishy's father to get here before I really dug into anything.  As I looked at what I needed to do though, I couldn't find much that wasn't going to be hard on my hands.  I worked out, and got

Now that the summer is done, and I'm no longer prepping for a ton of different large events, I'm back to wanting to dive into a ton of creative projects. I'm knee deep in crochet, both with a massive project started, and a ton of ideas for things I want to make.  Those alone will likely keep me busy for a while.  They'll be super cute, and the people they're going to should love them. I have been wanting to try a ton of new recipes, both on random impulse things that look tasty, and ideas for the beast's breakfasts and such.  We're also still testing out timing for things on the new stove since swapping over to gas, which means needing to use Rosh Hashanah as an excuse for experiments.  So far nothing has gone too oddly though. Even though I already do a ton of different things, I want to try making a quilt for the first time.  It doesn't seem like it should take too long to do if I pick something simple for a pattern, and this time of year is the

I have been insane over the last two weeks. Things are picking up again, and honestly, after the lull after Pennsic, it feels good. The beast is back, and she's started school again.  That's both something that gives me time to get things done, and removes time because it enforces a schedule on me that much more heavily.  She's also been trying to avoid doing what I need her to lately, with the other people in the house letting her get away with too much, which will need to change as the school year gets going. I've taken on a few new projects that I can't wait to finish.  I think they're all going to look fantastic.  They are all of course also very time consuming. With the beast back in school, I have no excuse not to get more serious about working out again.  I started slacking off too much after Pennsic, and need to dive back in head first.  Hopefully that will help me feel a lot better again. And on that note, Lux and I are going to be at a faire

I had a really interesting moment while at Pennsic, and walking away from it, I felt really happy, and proud of myself. One day, in between classes I had a couple free hours.  Instead of walking back to camp and getting comfy only to have to go back, I decided to use that time to look around the vendors for a new mug, as mine was old and dead.  While walking by, I was stopped by an artist whom I had met a Flea.  He called me over, trying to pull schpeel about his product, of which I was fairly uninterested.  I tried to make conversation at a casual level, but he kept pushing product down my throat, which is probably the worst way to get me to buy something.  Even when I tried to talk art with him, stating that I'd put together a coloring book earlier this year, and loved doing anatomy drawings, he just tried to say that I needed some of his drawings. Alright, so this guy didn't even see people as people, but only a wallet.  Got it. And at one point, he says "You know