A New Devious Chapter

One last Fusion post.  I think. So, one of the most amusing things I found over time while at Compound, was how people never quite knew how to think of me.  That they were constantly having little tidbits, and only getting more and more confused and intrigued. Camp definitely started with them thinking I was a submissive bottom.  That I belonged to Lux, and it was as simple as that.  They looked at Lux and tagged him for a domly dom top, and gave me the easiest box to go with it. Until sitting there one morning, discussing knifeplay methods, and I started talking about my own practices as a top in regards to safety and tools.  Suddenly I was more.  This was something Lux didn't talk about, it wasn't me talking about him.  It was my own practice as a top. And then, they realized I switch. But, did Lux switch? Did we switch together? Were we both into all the same things as a top? Now, Lux and I don't switch.  I am very statically a ...

This last week meant both mine and Lux's birthdays have passed, and we're each another year older. While he's just another step into his thirties, I've now officially left my twenties. It's a good thing I still look twelve. Squishy asked me if turning thirty meant I had to become an adult.  By that she meant acting like a stuffy old person.  She seemed very upset with the idea.  It was rather cute. Lux's birthday I was home while he was out with friends, getting completely smashed.  Apparently, even though I was barely getting half sentences, he was damn near poetic with a handful of other people.  When he went and read back over a lot of it he wound up apologizing to me because of how he was acting with everyone else.  Had he not pointed it out and apologized after saying it, I probably would have gotten a bit upset, but this made it more funny than anything. He can always make it up to me later anyway.  I didn't even tell him that, and don'...

Last weekend I went up to the city to visit Dansa, after she had visited me a few times, and was asking when I could come up to her place.  After a lot of arguing with the gnome, and dealing with things, I was off to the city, with plans to go to a rope thing that night, and some little adventures for my birthday.  I had to navigate the city unsupervised to get up to her place, which went fairly smoothly, as worried as I was.  When I got up there I provided much desired distraction from work, and got settled in.  We got some food, had coffee, and I found out one of the people I was supposed to tie with wouldn't be there that night. We went off to the rope event, which was incredibly quiet.  Dansa got through her ties, including one bendy one on me.  She tried doing some purposefully mean things, and got a bit pouty when I didn't even flinch.  Even when she dropped me back on the ground, she started kicking me to try and get me to acknowledge pain...

I’ve been many things going back in my life. Going back as someone in kink dynamics, a dancer, a mom, a larper, and a gamer, I’ve been many things, and held many names. And while many of those represented me well at the time, or in those circles, to some extent, no matter where I’ve been, one name carried through. I was handed “Loki Taviel” as a name. Given it by people who had been in my life from when I was first creating who I am, and putting together the pieces of my own unique brand of person. In the earlier days of internet, finding good sources of information was a project, and even more of a challenge for something that wasn’t a single fact or tidbit. Me being a goth as fuck edgelord at the time, found a database of demons, and printed them all. We sat in art class, my freshman year. Still knee deep in puberty, my dear friend Shadow and I poured over the pages, studying and memorizing what looked particularly interesting as we sculpted a human skeleton from memory. I ...

As I said a while ago, Lux and I haven't had very much chance for real beatdowns very often.  We've had small moments of violence, but in general, most of my play has been with others, and making plans to play with them. While we were in the dungeon, we listened to all the moans and sexy sounds of play going on.  Lux commented at one point that while everyone else was doing that, I was giggling.  Giggling, and using all of those endorphins from our play to process that pain going on and stay aware. Because I've been playing with other people, I had trained myself not to relax and just enjoy play, but process it in a way that I could be clear and communicative and pay attention to what is happening with them. I couldn't relax and let it build into happy floaty feelings, let myself just enjoy, because I've needed to watch what is going on as someone learns about me. Except that Lux knows me.  He knows what I can take, and I know I can trust him. I remember w...

If you can't tell by now, camp had a lot of people trying to figure me out over time. Lux is very obviously just a top and a domly person, and no one questioned that when we got there. However, when we first showed up, people just thought I was another submissive there with a domly dom, all quiet and awkward. And then I started having those conversations about how I go about things that Lux isn't into.  The sort of safe details that only someone who has topped those things for a while would do. They got the idea I was a switch, but then those ideas started rolling in their heads.  Do Lux I and I switch?  What things do I even do?  How much knowledge, and how careful am I? And from there I noticed a lot more people talking to me.  No longer was I someone who just took what Lux dished out.  I was now someone to figure out.  I talked a lot more about safety in things I do than just listing off what I enjoy.  When people heard about how much...

It's been a long time since I've gotten to top someone.  Long enough that I forgot that being a sadist is a big part of who I am.  In no way have I been unhappy just being a bottom for Lux, and a couple other friends, but I just haven't had that chance to really lay into people for a while.  At camp, I found that part of my mind waking up.  Discussions of how I do knife play, cutting, and my own personal strength.  It caused confusion about me, and Lux and I (again, to be discussed soon) but made me think about myself more as a top again.  I gained a lot more confidence in talking about being a sadist, and it helped me open up a lot. While working on Pyre's back, and seeing everyone else there wanting me to hurt them, I found myself feeling way more like I wanted to top again.  To feel the wake up of wanting to beat everyone up, rather than simply being quiet and uninterested. At some points I even offered to beat up Pyre proper.  I think if...