A New Devious Chapter

To continue with what I spoke about on Sunday, I read a handful of other blogs somewhat regularly.  Most of those are food blogs, because I'm a food nerd, and enjoy cooking and baking, and trying new things. I've found that this time of year, probably because they are also busy and can't be doing every cooking, lots of collection type posts.  Some of these are useful, but something I notice is present in these, and everywhere else for that matter, is gift guides.  These generalized lists of things in categories to get for loved ones. And every time I see them, I get a bit upset. These lists are always so generic.  If this person likes these things buy this.  If they do this, buy this.  Very calculated, cold, simple, unfeeling. I always find a lot of care in picking out gifts for people.  It's a personal thing, whether something I make, or find.  Whatever I had over to someone, told me that it belonged to them.  And sometimes these things are small and simple, an

Today we're celebrating Channukah here.  A week after Thanksgiving. Which means that in the last week I had to carry about two dozen giant ass bins that Squishy, Oliver, and I could have fit into which were all full of winter holiday decorations, bring all the fall stuff down to the basement, bake a thousand cookies, finish inking a coloring book, and get that and another book scanned to edit, and do all the shopping and gift wrapping for Channukah. Yes, I made that a hell of a run on sentence for emphasis. It's been a week of madness, and much earlier that we would normally do Channukah, for stupid reasons. However, this holiday, and how we celebrate in particular, is my favorite thing about the holidays.  Inviting everyone we know, to celebrate and give to show care and affection.  Putting together this grand gesture of acknowledgement, without expectation or obligation.  A day of food, and giving, and silly tradition. I disagree with a lot of what Christmas has tur

A bit over a week ago, the long talk Lux and I wound up having about power exchange was spurned by a question.  I had posed a fantastical situation, which we both had liked, which involved some definite gestures of ownership.  While talking about what I enjoyed about it, I couldn't quite find the right word.  I had defaulted to "hot" with the vibe of the conversation, but immediately caught myself.  While yes, in the moment it would be sexy and stimulating, there are remnants that have far more of an effect on me, which I would find very affirming and fulfilling. And that, was what Lux questioned.  Not being someone who submits in any context of power, he wasn't sure if this was what I had meant as a slave, or something more.  I had to tell him that while it may be fulfilling as a slave, that alone carries over a lot.  He didn't quite understand the concept of it, so I had to expound upon it further with some manner of word spew toward him when I had a few momen

After talking about the idea of sitting down for a refresh of negotiations, Lux and I had a long talk about power exchange lately.  It started with him asking about how power exchange affects me when it is more active (more on that another day, because there is enough of it) and how it translates well beyond a scene or a moment. We talked for a while about my affirming him that I wasn't after it for toxic reasons, and bringing up some of his brainbugs with why power exchange doesn't appear often in our casual day to day. He voiced his discomfort, and issues with certain things, and I started reassuring him.  The particular things that creep along in his mind, aren't really things that I need, or even really want.  I encouraged him to do things outside of those issues that I do want, so we can both be comfortable and happy. I gave a couple of examples of the past, when he's done such things, and he made a joke about my preference.  As a response, I told him that th

And now, the cop out Thanksgiving post about what I'm thankful for. This year, I am thankful for all the new things I've done. New ways to work toward independence. New adventures. New skills to learn. New ways to experience things. New furry family members. There's been a lot of new things this year, and they've definitely been helpful in a lot of ways. I am grateful for the people in my life.  The ones who show genuine care, and make me realize that even with everything that I live with, I am loved. I am grateful for my drive.  Because once I gained momentum, this year has been me working nonstop on so many things, and I'm excited for what comes next, and who I get to share it with.

Lux and I wound up having little comments about my visit.  About things regarding play and dynamics and such.  It popped into my head, and I asked, if we should sit down and do a proper renewal of negotiations.  When we first got together, we never really did much in the way of negotiations at all.  He looked through my fet writings, saw my limits, and went from there.  Then we just sort of learned each other along the way.  And while that was fantastic in the moment when we had no overly elaborate scenes planned, and wanted to build a friendship rather than just play, it may be time for a more formal revisit. We've been together for over five years, and in that time, while not much has changed in regards to limits or interests, in some ways we've gotten complacent.  We have anxiety because we haven't sat to really talk about all of those things.  As much as we don't have a routine, we often fall into the same pool of things we know we enjoy. And, it isn't bad

I'm home from Lux's now, and it was a good week, albeit difficult in many ways. Lux had a lot of stress from many sources, which kept him distracted often.  Sometimes this was his own mind just being working against him, but there were a lot of very challenging things to work through over the course of the week. I tried to take care of things where I could, and help him out over the course of the week, whether spoiling him, showing affection, or doing little helpful things. There were also lots of wonderful moments that we both enjoyed, and I'm glad we got to share.  It was definitely a week I'm happy for, because we got to have that time together again.  In many ways, Lux tried to practice more power exchange and comfort with service.  It's good to feel like we have a more present a visible exchange.  It may still just be visible to us, but that's all we need. I did find that I didn't quite have enough to work on to keep busy for his entire workda