I had a rather odd moment a while ago. One of those times when a random thing changes how you've felt, and makes different things seem important.
While going through instagram a week or so ago, I saw a picture of youtuber I watch with his partner. It was from when they first got together, and I noticed two things. First, I remembered that they've been together about as long as Lux and I. I also noticed how different they both looked from that many years ago. Faces maturing and changing, bodies in different shape, and expressions even didn't carry the same as now.
And as I looked at it, and thought about those two things, I realized that I didn't really have that with my partners. In fact, for the longest time, I hated the idea of taking pictures with my partners. Hated the couples who slathered their social medias with smoochie photos and so many pictures that they likely didn't even remember the events. I had partners be angry about my dislike of it in the past, throwing fits at my lack of consent over photos with them.
There is one picture of me with the gnome, which I was forced to take, and one of me with Thrax, while I was performing at an event. There are a couple that have happened with Lux, but that's about it.
Part of it is just me hating having my picture taken. I grew up having my father harassing me with a camera. I had an uncle who was just as bad. Sneaking pictures, shoving the camera in my face, forcing me to sit and pose. It's probably why for as long as I can remember, when I sit idle, I cover my face with my hand. To avoid dealing with it, when my consent didn't matter, and my saying "no" meant being yelled at and disregarded.
It's taken me getting older, and seeing performance photos for me to become more ok with having my picture taken, or even more, taking it myself. When I know I will respect my own consent, it becomes much easier to say yes.
But now, looking at that difference in two people, it makes me want to be able to do that with my own partners. To see us in a picture, and see how much we've grown, and the things we've gotten through together just by seeing that photo.
Sometimes, it just takes the right moment to make a big change.
While going through instagram a week or so ago, I saw a picture of youtuber I watch with his partner. It was from when they first got together, and I noticed two things. First, I remembered that they've been together about as long as Lux and I. I also noticed how different they both looked from that many years ago. Faces maturing and changing, bodies in different shape, and expressions even didn't carry the same as now.
And as I looked at it, and thought about those two things, I realized that I didn't really have that with my partners. In fact, for the longest time, I hated the idea of taking pictures with my partners. Hated the couples who slathered their social medias with smoochie photos and so many pictures that they likely didn't even remember the events. I had partners be angry about my dislike of it in the past, throwing fits at my lack of consent over photos with them.
There is one picture of me with the gnome, which I was forced to take, and one of me with Thrax, while I was performing at an event. There are a couple that have happened with Lux, but that's about it.
Part of it is just me hating having my picture taken. I grew up having my father harassing me with a camera. I had an uncle who was just as bad. Sneaking pictures, shoving the camera in my face, forcing me to sit and pose. It's probably why for as long as I can remember, when I sit idle, I cover my face with my hand. To avoid dealing with it, when my consent didn't matter, and my saying "no" meant being yelled at and disregarded.
It's taken me getting older, and seeing performance photos for me to become more ok with having my picture taken, or even more, taking it myself. When I know I will respect my own consent, it becomes much easier to say yes.
But now, looking at that difference in two people, it makes me want to be able to do that with my own partners. To see us in a picture, and see how much we've grown, and the things we've gotten through together just by seeing that photo.
Sometimes, it just takes the right moment to make a big change.
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