How I Know

 The first week or so after getting back from Kitty's was tough.  A lot of stress, mostly brought on by others, that started physically settling again.

But at the same time, I had an amount of ambition.  Things to do, and projects to juggle.  A routine that involved daily and weekly tasks, both to take care of myself, and things happening.  Not just having to hold time before traveling again meant I could put more on myself, and that was centering in a way, and helped me process all of the stress.

And here I am, only about two weeks from when that visit ended, and I'm feeling a bit stressed, but much closer to normal.

My mind is telling me that I'm doing alright, in it's own weird way.

I'm not just craving touch, sex, or pain.  I'm back to wanting power exchange, to take on service, and centering possessiveness.  Something that while would have been welcome, wasn't on my mind for most of the beginning of lockdown, and over summer.  Now that I'm getting back to some manner of baseline, my mind wants this as well.

I hope that soon I have the chance for it, and can feel owned again, and use the spoons I have to serve.  As backwards as it sounds, it would likely be a way for me to recharge from everything that came with the last few months.