Quite the Opposite

 The pandemic has been going on long enough that there are many times when I need to remind my parents that when the holidays come soon, we can't have a ton of people here.  That no matter how long we've been doing this, it is both irresponsible, immoral, and illegal to have the house packed with people we would normally have.

I hear Lux talking about how when it's all over, he wants to meet with friends for orgies, and play with everyone.

And here I am, going longer and longer through all of this, and only meeting with friends a handful of times since this all started, which includes invasions.  Time away from groups, avoiding events, and minimizing outings altogether.  Things that I normally associate with recharging, and helping me process and face life a bit better.

But, I'm not craving them.  I don't want massive holidays.  I don't want to find a ton of new partners.  I don't want to attend events.  As time goes on with this, I find myself just wanting to spend more time with the handful of people I am closest to, and not in overly elaborate ways.

I want to do things like walk through an empty park trail with Lux, or have some number of those few people all together, playing a game, and cooking similar to when we had eat like a hobbit day.  I want to share movies that we haven't all seen, or try takeout from somewhere new.  To have more fires in the backyard, or just curl up and read with a big mug of coffee.  

The little, seemingly silly things that I enjoy with people are the ones I crave right now.  The ones that just focus on quality time, and reinforcing connection, rather than adventure for adventure's sake.  I crave closeness, and real true intimacy, not just claiming that all sex is intimate, but actually feeling comfortable with people.