Out of Order

Over the course of lockdown, you would think that I would be getting reliant on the sex toys I have.  That I would actually have a masturbation habit by now, if only due to lack of opportunity to be with a partner.  Especially with the time this summer, where my touch starvation was being taken care of, and my normal sex drive is back and vocal.

However, I've found masturbation less and less appealing.  More often than not, I am finding myself feeling like I would rather go without if I can't be with a partner, because it isn't anywhere near as good anyway.

And apparently my body agrees.

On the rare occasion that I do decide to do anything, not only is it something I get no real satisfaction from, but it goes pretty much nowhere.  Previously, at least I knew that I just had to use a ridiculous amount of force to make my body respond.  That eventually, I would just overstimulate myself, and make my body react that way.

Now, my body is almost completely unresponsive.  While I want sex just as much as I always have, my body doesn't process any stimulation, which leads to a complete lack of any enjoyment.  I've actually made my piercings sore trying to figure out how to elicit some sort of response from my body.  And it's not that I'm becoming immune or anything else.  It really is that I'm just not turned on or enthused by the idea of self stimulation.  Not that there was much before, but now my body is back to it's normal stubborn self.

I should have expected this, but had no idea when.