A New Devious Chapter

As of this going live, I should just be back from Pennsic.  Expect awesome stories about the adventure soon, but in the meantime, this last pre-prepped post shall be a silly story about new found limits. Yes.  That's right.  New hard limits were discovered, and it will make you laugh. So, last time I was up at Lux's apartment, we took a lot of time to relax and talk and catch up on things.  Part of this included the Youtube channels we watch, and several of them make references to each other. We will often throw on playlists, and let it go as background noise, giggling at the randomness that ensues. We're also commonly naked when together, just out of comfort. The particular channel we had on that day was called Game Grumps. Go on, look it up. In fact, look it up along with the word "Cranberries". Then look it up along with "Sakura Spirit". I'll give you a moment.  That way you can fully understand what is going on. Now that you have an idea

Lux came over for his birthday, because he wanted to have some big get together with the people he cares about.  It had a wonderful turnout, and was honestly a great time.  We played video games afterward, and wound up being silly and having fun. When we got back to my place, we were tired, but being us, sex was the higher priority at that point.  Now, we haven't had much time to really decompress together.  There's been a lot of stress for both of us, and not much time to have that emotional release.  When I saw him on Father's day we snuck away for ten minutes for a quick fuck, as quiet as we could be while trying to go as hard as we could.  Then when he came down when the house was empty, there was a lot of loud sex, but again, that hard, rough sex to take the edge off of how we needed to fuck again.  Which was fun, in case that isn't obvious. This time, in the two weeks we didn't see each other, there was a lot of emotional stress for both of us.  We have bee

Today, is Lux's birthday.  He's turning thirty, cause he's an old man.  I intend to make as many jokes as possible over hitting a new decade in his life, and making him feel old. However, this makes me think about how interesting, and odd it is that we became friends when we did.  I had just broken up with Thrax, and ended a social media hiatus.  I commented on a couple small things on Fet, to which he sent me a message, saying how we had so many mutual friends.  Despite the fact that I was still trickling social things back into my life, I responded, with normal conversation, to which we talked a bit back and forth.  I personally saw nothing coming from it, and figured he was just another fetdom perving about. We wound up going to a fair that we had plans to hit up, and talked for a bit there.  I found his glasses in the middle of the road, and just minor hanging out.  From there we found numbers, and facebook accounts, and continued talking, with slight comments on pla

So, as of writing this, I am at Lux's place. The gnome said he was going to take the beast for most of her spring break, and so Lux wanted to capture me for a couple days, to get me away from my family, and so we could get in much needed snuggles and sexytime. And, despite him repeatedly saying I don't have to, I've spent the morning cleaning up the place.  He'd just try to get cleaning done while I'm here, before he heads south to spend time with his parents, and that time could better be spent sucking his cock.  So, I will clean now, to enjoy myself more later. Also, he tries to balance a lot, and so I enjoy doing what I can to make his life a bit more peaceful.  We're both so busy during the next month or so, that he needs it, and the extra snuggles that we'll have time for then is something I need.  And, when I'm not cleaning I can play with chainmaille instead of doing the crochet project I should be doing. Hooray!

I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned before that I thought I was asexual through my teens.  What was my sex drive, I assumed was just a normal feeling, and a craving more for adrenaline than sex.  I dated more as a change of scenery than anything, and had no real attraction to them. Everyone I fooled around with when I was younger was what I now know fits into my (admittedly broad spectrum of) physical "type".  They were just my friends though, so I didn't think anything of it.  However, my dating history didn't reflect that. Sure, my first boyfriend fit the bill, but he had no self confidence, and was incredibly insecure, and so it destroyed his only real chance.  I barely wanted to put my hands on him, and he was so sexually closed minded that it was a good thing we only lasted six months.  The next few people I dated were tall, but skinny, and again I had no real attraction.  It's a good thing they lasted even less time. I was still in high school

I've made a lot of progress in getting over the shit that Thrax put me through.  Things that I knew were because of him, and others that I hadn't considered have all levelled out. Apparently though, there are still some things that hadn't been settled, and I had to deal with completely in person to find out they were there. On a more simple end, the pipe I mentioned on Sunday.  I'm so used to  ignored, and never getting random gifts.  To see others being given things that I showed interest in, and being dismissed.  Actually receiving a surprise gift had completely left my mind as a possibility.  It was such an amazing and happy surprise to receive even such a simple gift. On a more serious, and slightly less pleasant note, I discovered something that I'd never even thought would be an issue. While I was with Thrax, the vast majority of the time we had the same routine broken record of sex that lasted about ten minutes from the first thought to being finished.  T

This weekend, Lux, some other folks and I got together to have a day we entitled Eat Like a Hobbit Day.  We all hung out, had movies going, and I cooked seven meals throughout the day, all from scratch, which left us all in a serious food coma.  Lux picked up mead and rum (and got himself plenty tipsy both nights we were there, more on that another time), so we drank a bit, but with all the food it didn't matter.  We were exhausted to the point of practically falling asleep some time after lunch, though that was probably due to having fucked Lux for several hours the previous night.  Oh well. All in all, the day went well.  All the food got out on time, and without issue.  It was all delicious, and everyone enjoyed it. I also got to see, and have been continuing my experience with very comfortable and happy poly situations.  It is such a dramatic difference from the past that despite feeling like I could never have it in my life previously, I am now fine with having it around me

Lux came to visit and spend some quiet time with me last weekend.  It was a fantastic time to really relax, and clear my head, and be silly.  There was also a ton of groping and sex, even if not the play we had planned.  Still, I absolutely loved every minute, and wish I could have gone back north with him, to keep that fun peace going. My pain tolerance was particularly high, and I was craving either snuggly slow sex, or incredibly rough and violence fucking.  At certain points, I got both. Also, I spoke earlier of how voices have a serious effect on me.  Lux would be one of those people who knows how.  There are times when he can order me to cum, and I will be nowhere close until he says it.  Then it's right there and happening.  There's also been times when I will sit right on the edge of getting off until he tells me to, unable to actually get my body to let go.  There's also times when he's being particularly domly, and being all objectifying, then gives me a l

Well, since this is my hundredth post to this blog, and it's right around the one year mark, I figure a real update is appropriate. Things have finally calmed down now that all the holidays and birthdays are done.  Now I can focus on learning, and making, and getting myself into a much healthier situation, both physically and psychologically. I've definitely formed the habit of working out every day that I can.  My body is changing, I find myself with more energy, and my flexibility and strength are improving.  It's greatly helping my body image issues to quiet down, and helps my mood a lot over all.  It's also encouraging me to eat better, and not have junk food or huge portions that will bog me down.  Finally, the kick in the ass that I apparently needed to give myself. Lux, Nessa and I are off to a convention for Valentine's Day, and it has me plotting all sorts of things.  I want to print out lots of cute cards, and make cookies, and pack super cute outfit

It's been insanely cold lately.  We had snow the other night, and it was actually a couple inches of accumulation. I've noticed that the cold affects my mood a lot.  Instead of yearning for the warmth to run through the woods, it makes me just want to stay in.  It makes me miss Lux a lot, and just want some time with him enjoying the quiet bite of winter. I find myself craving teas, and hot cocoa.  To curl up under a ton blankets, with books and movies.  I've been wanting to bake to keep the house warm and cozy.  I want the comfort of time together, and close snuggly happy things that just make the rest of the world sort of pause. And sure, it makes me want to have all form of messy snugglefucks, but most things do. The holidays are done, and the stress from that is gone.  Now I just want to relax and enjoy the beautiful stillness of winter with someone.

For a few days after Christmas, I went up with Lux to visit his place, and have some time to ourselves.  We had planned to go to the movies, have a ton of sex, be violent, and snuggle with a bunch of movies.  It was going to be some solid time of killing stress, and taking care of all the cravings we'd had over the holidays. Well, we killed stress and snuggled.  There was still some sex, though no where near as much as normal for us, because we were both happy just curled up playing video games, and felt at peace enjoying hanging out together.  Half the movies we wanted to watch fell to the wayside for gaming, and shorter youtube videos, and the desire to simply lounge on the couch cuddled and naked won out to putting on clothes to see what we had planned to out. And it was perfect, honestly.   No real worries of trying to get things done, or scheduling anything.  There wasn't even power exchange other than how we normally wind up handling things, and there didn't need

It's a normal thing for me to look back near the end of the year and think about everything that I've learned. Sooooooooo, OBLIGATORY NEW YEAR POST! This year I learned that: A downside of having old friends means they may get "old" faster than you do, and it's not a bad thing, but means they are not meant to stay in your life any longer. People with addictive personalities will treat you like shit in order to act in the way they are used to.  Those new behaviors will then become habit, and they will always treat you like shit. Many people who either marry early, or do not keep up a social circle that changes, will stop maturing emotionally.  This becomes difficult to deal with as they get older. Toxic people will always be toxic.  Random better treatment is a fluke. Keep the people in your life that kick you in the ass to be inspired, always tell the truth, and go along with your random ideas. People do not know how to process something outside of the

I haven't had time to actually think about things I want for Christmas this year.  I've been so busy, and have really had a year of just not caring about material things, and far more about experiences and function. I told my family all I wanted was to go to Pennsic, which is in August, but with how they are, I need to start poking now if I want them to possibly remember it. Otherwise, I want the chance to relax.  I want time away from home. I want to not be treated like a piece of shit. Luckily, I'll be getting just that in a few days, which should help me out a lot. Hopefully I'll get a solid beating in, and enough violence to take care of the craving I've had for a bit now. Oh, and I want to have more chance to just cook or bake whatever I want. Which I will also get to do. I know, I'm so difficult. On a side note, I'm almost out of loose tea.  That would actually be a good thing for me to have told people for gifts.

I enjoy reading tags on posts.  Sometimes they are funny, or provide insight to how a post is meant to be viewed.  There are times when I find the tags themselves more interesting than the post. Sometimes on Tumblr though, I see a pile of people just humping each other, each with the tag "Romantic". It makes me think of how the gnome would say he was being romantic with me any time he wanted to fuck and was trying to kiss me. Then I see pictures of people holding hands.  Of one person resting their head on the chest of another.  Of pouncing on a partner and giggling.  And these are simply given the tag "cute". I see far more romance in these moments than any picture of people fucking.  Snuggling up shows trust, care, and compassion.  While these may be present while fucking someone, it's certainly not always the case. We don't hold hands with people we've just started having sex with.  We don't curl up in their lap and let down walls.  We d

I've mentioned previously that Lux and I had started accepting the accidental dynamic that fell into place between us.  It's only been a step at a time, and carefully at that, knowing that he is still off kilter from his last relationship, and all the shit I dealt with while with Thrax.  We've had no real problems thus far, making sure to take care of each other along the way, and maintaining a good balance. In person, it's smooth.  Like a well oiled machine, it just works.  Lux is often the one to feel off at points, and with plenty of snuggles and reassurance, we're both back to a happy exchange. When we're apart (which has been more often than not lately) we text through the day, and occasionally, the exchange becomes more apparent between us.  He refers to me as his slave (and that possessiveness honestly makes me just want to snuggle in with him and squee) and I call him master in response, because he does make me feel all safe and content.  I feel at p

As it is Thanksgiving, I thought today should be spent doing the obligatory post of everything the I am thankful for. Positivity: I have far more positive influence in my life than I think I ever have.  I have this mix of people who have been around forever, people who have only grown close in the last couple years, and people who are newer to my life that encourage me and show such affection and love. Dance: I am grateful for the ability to dance, and the fantastic experience it brings.  Being able to teach and spread what is essentially a language of movements, as well as being able to shake my ass around while cleaning, or spending time on stage, it has helped me build more body confidence, and be healthy. Beast: The little beast teaches me so much, and truly is a little ball of squishy love.  She's at the age now where we actually discuss philosophy, and it's done with a clean slate of someone who hasn't been influenced by random things they hear.  She gives me th

I spent last weekend up with Lux. We hadn't seen each other in three weeks, had no plans to go anywhere, and just wanted time to relax and reset with each other. I was supposed to be able to spend an extra couple of days there, but due to the gnome, I wouldn't have those days without the squish.  So just a normal length weekend for us then. On Friday, I rode up north with the squish, and then met with Lux for the second leg of the trip.  We wound up not being able to grab proper food on the ride, so a quick snack, and once we were done, we were molesting each other in the car, unable to wait until we got back to the apartment. When we did finally get back, we began the near constant fucking, and mission to break in all the areas of the apartment that we didn't get to last time.  Which included a giggly failed attempt at fucking in his super tiny shower.  During the small windows of time we weren't having sex, we were often snuggled up close on the couch, enjoying

I notice a lot of people tend to look for some sort of justification of violence in their dynamic.  That they need to look for a reason to engage in any sort of sadomasochistic play that won't make them feel guilty.  I do believe the most common excuse for this tends to be the aspect of "funishment". Telling the bottom they've been bad, or making outlandish rules to be broken, or simply the bottom acting up in order to get beaten. And dear gods, I absolutely cannot have this in a dynamic. I don't ever want to be told that I'm bad, or naughty or any of that as a method of dirty talk.  I don't want to think of myself that way.  I am devious, and definitely mischievous.  I will make you think carefully before ordering me to do things, and constantly challenge you, but I will never do anything deemed wrong, against the rules given to me, or to hurt you (you know, in a not sexy way.) When those words start going out, it instantly takes my mind to a new

This weekend was a bonfire to get rid of a ton of scrap wood my father had handed me, and told me to get rid of.  A few friends showed up, despite a lot of them bailing, but it was still a good time. Lux actually made the trip down for it, so we got lots of snuggletime, and he crashed at my place, which meant my bed was fantastically warm. It also meant a lot of sex, and while the weekend prior was fun, I did enjoy getting to have him to myself for a night, and getting to fuck him for as long as I wanted (mostly). I've also noticed that in the last few weeks, during our more private sessions, there has been increasingly more power exchange going on.  That accidental dynamic that we didn't really pay attention to?  The one that I know I mentioned about a month or so back?  Yea, we've definitely decided to dive into it.  It's just a step at a time, and honestly it supplements our normal interactions more than anything, but it's an incredibly comforting thing. At

Last weekend I had a somewhat impromptu trip up to Lux's apartment with a mutual friend (the one I posted about a couple weeks ago)  to help him get settled in.  This of course also involved getting to break in his new place by fucking as much as we possibly could in every room.  I went through the week prepping a box of some things he needed, and plotting with him all the wonderful sexy thoughts that go through our heads every day. I have to say, I was a bit nervous at first.  Not even so much for how sex would go, as Lux is incredibly respectful, and often paranoid of me and how I'm doing, but of simply being around Nessa for that long of a drive, and then for the remaining time.  I often have problems being around people for extended doses.  This is especially true when I don't have other people to use as a buffer.  I however packed up my tablet to read, and my pliers to play with Lux's rings, and told myself that so long as I could manage the drive I'd be fine