A New Devious Chapter

 I've seen more than a few times lately, the pressure society puts on others to get married.  That because two people have signed a paper, their relationship is more successful, or real than those who haven't.  How it's an expected step, and otherwise there's some amount of fear of commitment, or people just being insecure and cowardly. Now, I've spoken about how I dislike the pressure to ride the relationship and life escalators.  How it's ridiculous to expect the exact same timeline out of every human, and for them all to want the same things. However, the idea that marriage is the only thing that makes a relationship successful, and instantly makes a couple more valid than those who aren't is abhorrent.   I know so many people who got married due to pressure from one side, and then wound up being toxic or abusive.  People who did what they thought they were supposed to do because everyone was asking when they would, only to realize they were miserab...

 I mentioned a few weeks ago that I have a new student, and how they've also started selling some of the things I make.  Well, after many weeks of trying to organize and get past other things, she was able to come and visit for a bit.   Overall it was a quiet visit, but good to see her.  We talked about some plans for the future, started working on something that will hopefully sell off a good amount of the things I've already made, and had a decent class in person that let me point out where she is making progress. There's a lot of ambition in what we're doing, and hopefully we get to it all.  In the meantime though, because I wanted to get so many things done because I felt like I was falling behind, I now feel like I don't have enough.  I feel like a failure because I'm not juggling twenty thousand things, even though this week is packed with the end of the school year for Squishy. I'm hoping to find balance this summer.  To have just enough ha...

 For a while, I was trying to keep up with a side instagram.  I was posting there regularly, and it started gaining traction in some ways.  Apparently enough so that people started sending me messages.  Wound up proving to me why I need to keep everything in my life just a little separate, because people who aren't worth it definitely won't do the work. Randomly, a guy started sending me dms, and it was quite obvious that he was trying to pick me up.  I tried to steer the conversation to keep it professional and polite, while making sure to still be honest how I could.  After a few exchanges, I mentioned having a partner, and never got a response.  Completely ghosted with a single word. And while I wanted him to go away, because he was trying to pick me up without knowing anything about me, it pissed me off that he behaved that way. As soon as I had a partner, I didn't exist.  I wasn't worth anything, and he couldn't even apologize for trying to p...

 I think I've mentioned lately that I'm making a lot more things.  My books for the entire year are nearly done, and so I'm taking on more things that have me creating again.   My friend Scar, who I recently took on as a student has a store where she sells some wellness products, metaphysical goodies, and a handful of other things has said that she'll sell my chainmail, as well as potentially other things as well.  We worked out a consignment price, and just using the rings I had on hand, made her more than she said she would be able to display at a single event. I've also been doing some freelance art, which has me working with mediums that I haven't gotten to in a long time. It has me busy, which is a good thing, but certainly at a point where I'm taking on as much as I can, with all the other things happening right now.  I'm still motivated and inspired, but at the same time, I feel like I need to be constantly working on something.  When I'm not ...

 A few weeks ago, my vaccine was cooked, and I finally had the safety to go and see people again.  I didn't know who I would get to see or when, but that option was there.  And when Squishy was with the gnome for a weekend, and we had started making plans for the summer and such, I knew I was going to have a few days available over Memorial day. Most of the people I would have wanted to see were already busy, or would be getting home in the middle of that weekend, but as soon as I mentioned it to Dansa, she said she only had plans for a few hours one day.  I offered to pup-sit for her, and we had plans. It didn't kick in until the next day, that after two years, I'd be able to go up to the city and see her again.  That there was an end to this, and that I was making my way back to getting to really live again.  I would get to see people, and hug them, and be safe around my friends.  When that thought really hit, I got a little overwhelmed.  It too...

 I have a weekly call with Pyre.  Some weeks obviously it doesn't work, but we try to get in a video date every week to catch up and still have some easily digestible social time.  And while we were on a call two weeks ago, we were talking about camp.  That it was supposed to happen late summer, and that we were both rather decidedly not feeling ok with going this year. The call continued, and at a certain point someone in a group chat we're both in shared a screenshot of an announcement for camp in a few months.  And as I checked Fet and saw so many people responding and saying they were attending, I just felt very firmly like I didn't want to be there yet. I mentioned it to Lux, and he told me that he was conflicted.  That he wanted to trust the CDC, but also didn't feel safe. And I don't blame him. I think it's very normal right now to not feel safe with such a large gathering of people as camp.  Something with hundreds of people, all performing var...

 I haven't gotten to talk a lot on just general update things in a while, because I was pre-writing entries. And oof, there's been a lot, and much of it is pretty good. I've been able to stick to working out almost every day, and I've noticed myself making progress with a lot of things.  I have more energy in my day, and it helps me focus and feel better.  Likewise, it's helping me build a small bit of muscle, and get into better shape.  Trying to drop weight has slowed to a crawl, but overall I'm feeling better about my body. And on the idea of getting into better shape, I've started helping my friend Scar with her attempt to get healthier as well.  She was trying to go way too hard in the beginning, and it didn't stick for the most part, but I've been putting together personal workout sessions that will teach her belly dance, as well as be functional physical therapy, and encourage more movement into her day.  She's enjoying, and refused to do ...