A New Devious Chapter

A couple days before Christmas, Squishy was supposed to be working on some stuff, and while I needed to make a dessert, I was looking for a movie to throw on as background noise.  After not being able to find what I had wanted to watch as a free stream, and feeling lazy enough to not want to walk over the movie closet, I settled on Austin Powers, which Squishy ran from.  Unfortunately, she's had so much wonderful reinforcement from her father and my parents that she now fights the idea of anything new in any way.  Wonderful. Anyway, after about ten minutes I call her in for a dopey funny part, and she winds up glued to the movie for the duration.  As I listened though, and watched bits while baking, I noticed what was censored. See, this was my sister's favorite movie for a long time.  I saw it in theatres, and we all had the movie memorized for a long time.  I am very familiar with every moment of this movie, and every little change. And oh, was there a lot of changes.

Yet another one of those wonderful side effects of the holidays is something I've been seeing a lot of lately.  How we feel alone over this time of year, and have that obligation and craving for some sort of companionship.  The season that creates that need for presence, especially in those may be unpartnered, whether out of familial pressure, or simple social expectation. And because we as a society do not encourage acknowledging the bonds of friends, or non-romantic connections in our lives, many many people tend to look toward the people of their past for companionship this time of year. Unfortunately, in many cases, it means people reconnecting with those who had previously proved themselves to be toxic.  But because loneliness is so digging for many people, they still go back to them, and cling to the bits of attention they get. And yes, seeing that written makes it look like such a silly and dumb idea, but it's incredibly common.  We don't create a situation tha

Last week I had one last trip to the doctor to make sure my new IUD was settled into the right spot, and hadn't migrated at all. All the appointments with this office start with a patient interview in an office, to gather any medical information necessary before the procedures involved, this way the actual exam rooms don't stay in use for longer than necessary. So I have my vitals taken, and we sit in this office, and I start just talking.  Comfortably.  About whatever is needed, and giving details from there.  The nurse, who didn't believe that I was thirty, told me that she was relieved with how comfortable I was with speaking and sharing information.  Nothing was censored, or caused an anxious response.  I was really happy to hear how appreciative she was about it, but didn't really like that it's such a rare thing. And speaking of rare things, I told the nurse that my old paragard had given me absolutely no issues, and I had kept it until a few months befo

Apparently, we're in the middle of a thing right now. Something I don't even normally think about, or remember exists. Apparently "break-up season" is a thing, and we're right inside it.  I saw that some immense percentage of breakups happen within two weeks of either Christmas, or Valentine's day.  And while I admit to having caused a Valentine's day massacre in the past when I kicked out the gnome, I never realize how common a thing this is. And I wonder why it's so much of a thing.  Is it the fear of awkward holidays?  The stress of  this time of year causing issues that already exist to become unbearable?  The strange frequency of cheating the occurs at holiday parties? Somehow, what is supposed to be a happy time of year to bring us together and show appreciation, is the perfect storm of scenarios to tear people apart.  Strange how that happens. It's weird to be so distanced from this though.  To have happy dynamics, where I look for

There was something Lux said when I was visiting with him, and it stuck with me apparently, for a bit. We often talk about the things people around us do, and their habits, or actions.  Toxic behaviors, or closed minded ideas. And while speaking about this, we mentioned how often we look at these things, the common response is how we don't want to do these things.  That we don't want to grow into this kind of person. What we don't do though, is talk about the kind of person we do want to turn into. Now, I do very frequently say that I aspire to become a crotchety old man (and many people will say I'm already there) but that is very different. We don't talk about how we want to cultivate safety.  To speak of wanting to be honest, and just.  We don't mention how we want to be open, and thinking, and growing always.  So many good things that we simply never mention. Perhaps because they should be common sense.  Unfortunately, common sense isn't al

I've been thinking a lot about the things I want to do in the future. Plans for the next couple weeks before the holidays. Things I want to do in the next year. Things I just want to do. I may finally be at the point where I want to write out a bucket list.  Something I never really felt the drive to do, because I refused to want.  After feeling so much disappointment over other things in my life, I didn't like the idea of dreaming toward things only to be left without.  In some ways though, I am taking more control of my life again, and that is helping me to want to do more. Speaking of which, I'm thinking about how I want to expand beyond my art.  I have plans for more books in the future, and I don't think that's going to slow down anytime soon, there has been this persistent idea in my head to start some sort of video content.  Both general vlogs, and talking about all manner of kink, gender, sexuality and such as it becomes a relevant topic with life.

Oliver is very much a timid dog.  While he can often be a bit outspoken, I often call him a weenie, as he will constantly hide behind me, looking for me to protect him. But just as often, whenever I have him on the leash outside, and even when just standing in the house or the yard, he plops his butt on my feet.  Sitting tall and proud, looking out while keeping my toes warm. It's a gesture of territorial affection.  Him sitting there saying I'm his person, and showing me off as I stand over him. It makes me reflect on how his behaviors as a pup don't differ all that much from people.  Especially so in kink dynamics. There are often times when I will sit on the floor, just because I want to, and then lean onto Lux's leg.  I don't feel like I have to, but it's my way to snuggle without getting in the way, and creates a definite visible gesture to our power exchange. And never do I feel like I have to sit there, or like I'm ashamed to.  I ch