A New Devious Chapter

Before the start of her winter break, Squishy and I had a morning where we could actually spend talking about a bunch of different things.  It had started with personal responsibility and not using anything as an excuse to be a poor person (anger management allowing someone to just be malicious as an example).  More of that another day though. We also went into talking about gender, transgender people, nonbinary people, and the like.  We've had those discussions before, but apparently she wasn't listening, because she didn't remember it at all.  On the bright side, she was receptive to all of it, and when I told her about me being Agender, she said it made sense.  I also at some point mentioned drag.  I explained it as an exaggeration of gender, both for entertainment purposes, and to express oneself in an uncensored way.  I told her that she would probably love seeing a drag show, because they're big silly things with lots of flash and personality. And while she

This last year had a lot of new things.  In many ways, it inspired a lot of growth, in many positive ways.  I'm taking many steps towards becoming the person I want to be, and doing the things I want to do.  I fell behind in some things I'm not the happiest about, and it's caused to bad brainbugs. Overall, as much as this year has been difficult in many ways, It's been rather positive for me, thanks to the people in my life, and giving myself enough of a kick in the ass to keep going. And, for what might be near the first time, I feel myself dreaming about the future.  Nothing massive, but ambitious projects to encourage more growth, steps towards more independence, and a life I'm truly happy with.  In the past, I've always just kind of dealt with complacency in the idea that I would always be stopped.  That my blood relatives would always try to fuck me over and force me into their broken idea of what I need to do with my life.  It may not show, but damn if

A couple days before Christmas, Squishy was supposed to be working on some stuff, and while I needed to make a dessert, I was looking for a movie to throw on as background noise.  After not being able to find what I had wanted to watch as a free stream, and feeling lazy enough to not want to walk over the movie closet, I settled on Austin Powers, which Squishy ran from.  Unfortunately, she's had so much wonderful reinforcement from her father and my parents that she now fights the idea of anything new in any way.  Wonderful. Anyway, after about ten minutes I call her in for a dopey funny part, and she winds up glued to the movie for the duration.  As I listened though, and watched bits while baking, I noticed what was censored. See, this was my sister's favorite movie for a long time.  I saw it in theatres, and we all had the movie memorized for a long time.  I am very familiar with every moment of this movie, and every little change. And oh, was there a lot of changes.

Yet another one of those wonderful side effects of the holidays is something I've been seeing a lot of lately.  How we feel alone over this time of year, and have that obligation and craving for some sort of companionship.  The season that creates that need for presence, especially in those may be unpartnered, whether out of familial pressure, or simple social expectation. And because we as a society do not encourage acknowledging the bonds of friends, or non-romantic connections in our lives, many many people tend to look toward the people of their past for companionship this time of year. Unfortunately, in many cases, it means people reconnecting with those who had previously proved themselves to be toxic.  But because loneliness is so digging for many people, they still go back to them, and cling to the bits of attention they get. And yes, seeing that written makes it look like such a silly and dumb idea, but it's incredibly common.  We don't create a situation tha

Last week I had one last trip to the doctor to make sure my new IUD was settled into the right spot, and hadn't migrated at all. All the appointments with this office start with a patient interview in an office, to gather any medical information necessary before the procedures involved, this way the actual exam rooms don't stay in use for longer than necessary. So I have my vitals taken, and we sit in this office, and I start just talking.  Comfortably.  About whatever is needed, and giving details from there.  The nurse, who didn't believe that I was thirty, told me that she was relieved with how comfortable I was with speaking and sharing information.  Nothing was censored, or caused an anxious response.  I was really happy to hear how appreciative she was about it, but didn't really like that it's such a rare thing. And speaking of rare things, I told the nurse that my old paragard had given me absolutely no issues, and I had kept it until a few months befo

Apparently, we're in the middle of a thing right now. Something I don't even normally think about, or remember exists. Apparently "break-up season" is a thing, and we're right inside it.  I saw that some immense percentage of breakups happen within two weeks of either Christmas, or Valentine's day.  And while I admit to having caused a Valentine's day massacre in the past when I kicked out the gnome, I never realize how common a thing this is. And I wonder why it's so much of a thing.  Is it the fear of awkward holidays?  The stress of  this time of year causing issues that already exist to become unbearable?  The strange frequency of cheating the occurs at holiday parties? Somehow, what is supposed to be a happy time of year to bring us together and show appreciation, is the perfect storm of scenarios to tear people apart.  Strange how that happens. It's weird to be so distanced from this though.  To have happy dynamics, where I look for

There was something Lux said when I was visiting with him, and it stuck with me apparently, for a bit. We often talk about the things people around us do, and their habits, or actions.  Toxic behaviors, or closed minded ideas. And while speaking about this, we mentioned how often we look at these things, the common response is how we don't want to do these things.  That we don't want to grow into this kind of person. What we don't do though, is talk about the kind of person we do want to turn into. Now, I do very frequently say that I aspire to become a crotchety old man (and many people will say I'm already there) but that is very different. We don't talk about how we want to cultivate safety.  To speak of wanting to be honest, and just.  We don't mention how we want to be open, and thinking, and growing always.  So many good things that we simply never mention. Perhaps because they should be common sense.  Unfortunately, common sense isn't al