A New Devious Chapter

 I have a weekly call with Pyre.  Some weeks obviously it doesn't work, but we try to get in a video date every week to catch up and still have some easily digestible social time.  And while we were on a call two weeks ago, we were talking about camp.  That it was supposed to happen late summer, and that we were both rather decidedly not feeling ok with going this year. The call continued, and at a certain point someone in a group chat we're both in shared a screenshot of an announcement for camp in a few months.  And as I checked Fet and saw so many people responding and saying they were attending, I just felt very firmly like I didn't want to be there yet. I mentioned it to Lux, and he told me that he was conflicted.  That he wanted to trust the CDC, but also didn't feel safe. And I don't blame him. I think it's very normal right now to not feel safe with such a large gathering of people as camp.  Something with hundreds of people, all performing various activ

 I haven't gotten to talk a lot on just general update things in a while, because I was pre-writing entries. And oof, there's been a lot, and much of it is pretty good. I've been able to stick to working out almost every day, and I've noticed myself making progress with a lot of things.  I have more energy in my day, and it helps me focus and feel better.  Likewise, it's helping me build a small bit of muscle, and get into better shape.  Trying to drop weight has slowed to a crawl, but overall I'm feeling better about my body. And on the idea of getting into better shape, I've started helping my friend Scar with her attempt to get healthier as well.  She was trying to go way too hard in the beginning, and it didn't stick for the most part, but I've been putting together personal workout sessions that will teach her belly dance, as well as be functional physical therapy, and encourage more movement into her day.  She's enjoying, and refused to do

 As of last weekend, my covid vaccine is cooked and in effect.  I'm now feeling ready to go and do some more things that haven't been safe for the last year plus, while still being careful to protect everyone else.  I'm looking forward to soon seeing some people I've missed, and having more options in front of me to be able to hug friends again. I'm looking forward to finding out when Squishy will be able to get her vaccine, and we are both hoping she'll be able to get at least one shot before the next school year begins.  She's been feeling a little disappointed about not being able to get vaccinated herself, which I appreciate.  While my parents may not take any of this seriously, even still, she finally has been on quite a few things, which is good. Likewise, with my father being in the hospital, he was told that he wasn't in good enough shape to get the vaccine right away.  This week he is supposed to meet with his doctor, and he'll find out if h

 There's a lot of ways to go about being poly.  The process of having multiple partners means that you have an infinite number of factors to try and go about in a way that makes everyone happy.  While there's certainly some ways that are wrong to go about it, there's no one way that's exactly right. It was a good while back now, but it had me thinking about the idea of hierarchical poly.  Giving one partner a position and title different from another, changing levels of priority and expectation between them.  And while it's certainly not wrong, there are some people that don't like it, because they don't like that level of comparison or feeling less than anyone else. But, I think that those places will sort of happen with any polycule over time.  The demands of our lives are different, and so we seek varying things from each of our partners.  Trying to give each person the time and focus of a primary partner would take every bit of our days, leaving no time

 Sometimes, I have thoughts that pop into my head that no matter where I look, can't find what brought it on.  My mind then explores it, and tries to take it apart, and I wind up in a weird sort of space where I question a lot of things. And one night, I was contemplating gender, and what can affect it.  More specifically, our closed ideas of gender roles.  From the moment most people are born, they're told how to look, what to think, what to enjoy and how to behave purely by the genitals they have.  They're put in boxes with labels and requirements that we press on them, creating expectations that may not have anything to do with who a person is, or even healthy behaviors. It's why we have the insecure concepts of fragile toxic masculinity, like my brother refusing to use a lip balm, even if his lips were bleeding, because it might be mistaken as makeup and feminine.  Which got me thinking, if we weren't forcing thoughts on kids, and these specific ideas of what a

 While I tend to have ebbs and flows with all things, given the somewhat vast spectrum of things I enjoy, I come back to anime and manga a lot, and stick to them for a while when I do.  And lately, I've had another kick of it, going in to watch some things, and read some others. And even though I'm picking up both, I somehow wound up drawn to some of the darkest of each.  Things that focus on despair, revenge, torture, and various other things, all with sex thrown in. I had seen reviews on all of these things, and listened to people go on about how they were all so horrific in their content.  People spoke on how these things would affect them forever, and were absolutely sickening. Naturally, I wanted to see them, because I like dark things, and have a pretty high tolerance. For the most part, upon taking these things in, I found them rather benign.  The anime I actually recommended to Lux because he would find it hot, and I would too if I wasn't the most demisexual ever. 

 I had a moment on the way to my vaccine appointment that should have been telling of what would happen in the days after.  Time that showed me exactly why I feel the way I do about my parents. While sitting in the car, she's telling me about some of her customers from that morning, and earlier in the week.  At one point she tries to make something sound like a scandal, as she tells me about one woman, whose daughter at fourteen said that she had a boyfriend and wanted to go onto birth control.  I think she expected me to be aghast, and beside myself in disgust, but I was rather unaffected. I told her that it was a good thing that she felt comfortable going to her mother to ask for birth control.  Mentioned that she may not actually be doing anything yet, but that it could be very responsible of her to want to go onto something now, rather than once she's already having sex.   I also mentioned that she may have other reasons for asking, and reminded her about how I asked her to