A New Devious Chapter

 I was recently talking to a vanilla friend who went through a hard breakup last year.  While chatting about various things, he mentioned acknowledging that he's polyamorous, and intending to explore that space once he's ready to date again.  I extended the offer to share what I know, my experiences, and help him sort of navigate what he thinks he's looking for before he actually starts looking, so it's easier for him to be clear with any possible future partners. And then I mentioned to him something that I hadn't really considered.  With dumping Kitty, and only having one partner, it's strangely going to make it more difficult to find additional partners.  One very long term partner can be intimidating to other people, who may think they're going to be tossed aside, or treated like they're unimportant next to the older partner.  It doesn't matter that they're wrong, and it shows that they aren't worth trying with, but it's a logical tho...

 A lot is happening.  I'm trying to juggle it all while still processing what happened a couple of weeks ago. While dealing with my parents, I'm finally getting around to launching the audio project I wanted to start earlier this year.  I decided not to wait until I could get a better mic, and instead started recording with the headset I have, and learning how to edit as I go.  The more I record, the better I'm getting at pacing things out, and learning how to be better at both the recording process, and the editing process.  Posting the first one wasn't the easiest thing ever, because ko-fi wound up being incredibly difficult despite my expectations for the platform.  However, I'd like to figure out how to do more there, so hopefully they get their shit figured out sooner rather than later.   I'm redrawing many of my books so that I can sell them in a digital format.  That, combined with not having to offer them on amazon will hopefully help...

 When I was younger, I remember enjoying being angry all the time.  With how my life at home has always been, I realize more and more that anger was the only thing that I was generally free to feel, because I was being put through so much else. And as I've gotten older, I didn't want to feel angry all the time.  I wanted to find joy in things, and learn to acknowledge the things I deal with, but find balance, and allow myself happiness where I could find it.  It resulted in me feeling angry far less, and subsequently feeling better about myself in the long run, wanting to take care of myself far more than I had been. This year however, has brought me more rage than I have felt in so long.  Between the beginning of the year, which I posted about, and how people have been behaving overall, I'm just sitting at a simmer of anger at everything. While looking at Twitter, I found someone saying that unvaccinated people were being treated like Jews in the holocaust....

 I'm fried. Since coming home from my trip to see Lux, only a couple of days after I got home, I've had more and more piled onto me that's put my stress levels through the roof.  Squishy has been behaving similarly to last summer, with some even worse things happening, and the gnome is just now realizing what she was doing, reacting poorly toward her which is making things worse, and now minimizing what I dealt with because he had to deal with a whole week at a shot of her being difficult. My parents have been horrendous lately.  I've been trying to manage things happening, and reminding my mother of dates and things that need to be done, and she's either not giving an answer to things until the last minute (then getting upset when someone can't make it to something), or completely ignoring time and what is happening when.  It's made harder because where I can take things on to help, and have generally done so, I need this information from her in order to kn...

 I intend to take more classes than I often actually get to.  Sometimes I forget to go looking for them, or sometimes life happens and I forget that there was even a class that day until the evening, when I realize it ended six hours earlier. When I do get to them, it's a mixed experience.  There are times when I know I'm going in just to get information to better help my own classes, with seeing how things are worded, or finding points that I would only touch on, but should instead make a focus.  There are also classes that I find go far too 101 for anyone to really feel engaged with. Sometimes though, we get classes that cover things that we know going in, but are the right reminder at the right time.  And I had one of those recently. Around the same time as what happened in my last post, I sat in on a class about owning one's submissive identity.  It didn't cover many topics that were earth-shatteringly new, but instead posed questions that encouraged fi...

While I was at Lux's we watched a youtube video someone put up that after watching, I found myself wanting to do some writing on the subject as well.  Something that I felt some pull to share my own experiences with, because while it seemed obvious to Lux after this long, most people don't know how to navigate.  I had been having some issues with it recently, and thought that perhaps if I shared some information about it, things might have more potential to go well in the future. It took a bit before I finally sat down the write it, but once I looked at the first draft, I sent it to Lux in hopes that he would give it another set of eyes.  The piece itself definitely needed a readover by someone else before I could post it somewhere. The next day, I asked him if he had looked at it, and he said that he hadn't.  I assured him that there was no rush, but he made sure to say that because he said he would do it, he would be sure to do it that night. And when I read that s...

 In  the past month or so, I've managed to have a lot of small moments that really hit hard.  For the most part, they've been really positive, so I want to make sure that I share them here.  They're all a bit different though, which makes me think they'd all make decent posts individually. The first one happened when Lux was here near July 4th.  The week prior I was doing a heavy clean up on my room, and put together all the things that were his that he had forgotten forever, because I was just holding them aside in various places.  Since I was trying to really sort through things, I made up a little bag of it all, and the book I had suggested he read, to give to him when I saw him. And because I am made of anxiety, I worried about doing this.  That he would take the wrong idea from it, and think I was cutting ties in whatever way.  I had second thoughts on giving him back his own things, because I was worried about how he would respond. When he g...