A New Devious Chapter

 Squishy is definitely the type of person that winds up with a crush on every person that gives her attention (something I will need to talk to her more about as she gets older).  She's had a few that have stuck around in her mind, and I've had to teach her how to not make things awkward or difficult for the other person, because her feeling have yet to be returned by anyone.  I think she has trouble figuring out the difference between a squish and a crush, but that's a thing that everyone needs to learn over time. It's been a few years since she also realized that she likes girls, and is quite comfortable with that part of herself luckily.  Since then, she's had two more long standing crushes on girls in her school, and something that I noticed more recently is that they both happen to be people of color.   Normally, I would just be happy that she isn't pigeonholing herself into just dating white people, and I can tell by how she talks to and about them that sh

 I've been finding myself doing more online social things lately, and while I'll talk about that more, and what it's doing for me later, there's a more particular incident I want to talk about. Even though I don't live in the direct vicinity of DC, because I'm friends with a good number of people who were going to be in attendance, I decided to join in on the poly brunch zoom call.  It wound up relatively small, which made me feel better about more open social things.  Going into the pandemic, I wasn't sure how they would work, because I figured it would be far too many people to have a decent conversation going.   I found myself getting a handful of DMs though, and one of which was from someone who was sitting in on the call with no video or mic on.  In fact, he said nothing to anyone the entire time I think, except for me.  He attempted some horrible attempt at small talk and hitting on me through DMs, and very quickly asked me if I planned on attending an

 I had a pretty good track going for things lately.  I had a plan to get things done, and didn't feel overloaded.  Things with home and all weren't the best, but I was managing, and having a list I could easily tackle most days was helpful. And somehow, in the span of about a week, I went from managing, to busy, to fried. I've taken on a lot in the last month, and more every week it seems.  I went from a handful of tasks per day, to what is often dozens, all ranging in time they take up, and many of them are larger projects, or will be continuous obligation.  Top that off with having to take care of myself, Squishy, and Oliver, and I feel like I can't stop moving ever. On Saturday, after I had a good chunk of the day taken from me, because my parents decided what I was doing with my time, I tried to finally work out, and a few minutes in realized that I didn't want to do anything.  I didn't want to work out, or draw, or take on any of the things I needed to.  Th

 There are very few things I am patient with, although I have gotten better as I've gotten older.  One thing I am often patient with though, is my partners.  I may grump around with things that are irritating, but I am very quick to appreciate the good first, and put those annoying moments aside in order to enjoy the overall time with a partner. However, when things turn into consistent disrespectful behaviors, lack of change when talking about issues, and there's no positive actions or moments to balance it out, I'm not going to just sit and take it like I should be fine with what's going on. And Kitty, after how long I've cared about him, and tried to keep some level of connection, I've hit a point where I can't try and spin his behaviors to any perspective that looks like he cares at all.  I've been left ignored, lied to, feeling manipulated and disrespected.  What's worse, is where I was done with him months ago due to the imbalance of good and b

 I mentioned previously that I'm finally trying to reach out and do more social things outside of the occasional single person calls.  Not just private ones, but actually attending social events online. It's sometimes difficult to figure out what ones I can attend with Squishy home, but not as difficult as I had thought it would be overall.  And while I know many of the people in these gatherings, many of them aren't people I have long conversations with, or talk to much outside of events. So in many ways, these are becoming beneficial for me.  I'm spending time with newer people to develop new connections and friendships that I don't get to with just going to camp.  These online events also give me opportunities that I wouldn't normally have since I'm also a few hours away from any of where these gatherings would have been in person.  And it gives me the chance to recharge socially, which I've been having trouble with. To top it off, I feel like there&#

 It was only for a night, but over the weekend of Valentine's, Lux was able to visit.  Squishy was away with the gnome, so I was able to just enjoy time with him for a day.  And while these visits are short, and we're limited in what we can do, having him around again after so long in between makes me happy. After so long without sex, our bodies weren't at all used to the amount that we enjoy, but it didn't stop us, and at least on my end, it helped tremendously.  I don't need sex as a form of self affirmation, but I do gain some level of mental reset from it, and it helps me relax a bit in knowing how Lux is doing as well.  In many ways, it's a way of checking in with each other, which we don't often get to just sit and do with how life gets in the way. We talked on and off about our plans for the year.  Lux changing jobs is going to do him a lot of good, and be very beneficial for him in the coming year, but he has some things he's going to need to do,

 I didn't realize it until a day or so after, but last week marked a decade since kicking out the gnome.  Ten full years without living with the abuse he showed me every day. It didn't mean an end to abuse in my life altogether, but could not have been more necessary for me at that point, considering it was the one time in my life that I was seriously contemplating ending my life, and had really felt like I had lost myself.  While I've instead had to deal with new shitty behaviors from him, every time it reminds me of how right I was to have him leave. And while he's existed on the life escalator society pushes on people, but more or less declined as a person, I've managed to push for personal growth on all fronts. I've learned to build healthier relationships, in all ways.  It means I have different friends, but they are better overall, and people who help me feel supported in my life.  I've also learned about how I am polyamorous, and how to balance that i